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[stevesteve]

I like the idea behind this. There are some things here that are good and some things that can be improved. I'm not very experienced with this but I'll try to break down my thoughts.

I lay on the floor,
My body tired, staring at the ceiling-- I appreciate that you're trying to set the scene but right now these first lines are kind of clumsy and don't tell us very much. You could maybe make them show more or cut them out without a ton of loss.

There are cracks and waves in
Every wall of this old house, -Nice image! I think these two lines are really solid.
Reminding the house of stories, [b-]Watch your word repetition (house). To me, 'reminding' is kind of a strange word to use here. [/b]
Records of love and of shadows. -Maybe loves? or shadow. Matching the plurality would help I think.
I can't fathom all the words these walls have heard - I would take out 'the words'. It's a a little redundant and messes with the flow.
From people who never stay,
In and out, coming and going, -I think this is where you could really take the idea further. The memories of the house thing is a good idea but in this part you don't really go beyond what most of us have thought sitting in our own houses. You could either find a more original way to say what you're saying now or try to find some interesting new insight.
Every day, questioning the minds of others.
Dear friend, i am lost. Which is the path i will follow? I think this is a pretty solid ending! (watch your capitalization)


I hope this is helpful! You've got a good start here, I'm excited to see where you take it next.

[billy]

please give feedback outside this part of the forum please/ mod

don't call the poem terrified, it would make it too easy.
for me the latter part of the poem could have been strong wit the use of more imagery.

I lay on the floor,
My body tired, staring at the ceiling-- this line is very weak as is the opening line, create an image by using a simile or metaphor

There are cracks and waves in this would make a decent first line would in work better on the next line?
Every wall of this old house, okay in is better where it's at i see it's an acrostic
Reminding the house of stories, [reminding the house] feels a bit awkward, could you find another R word that works better. a suggestion would be along the lines of: rippling the house with stories
Records of love and of shadows. no need for the 2nd [of]
I can't fathom all the words these walls have heard
From people who never stay,
In and out, coming and going,
Every day, questioning the minds of others.
Dear friend, i am lost. Which is the path i will follow?