Help

[Willpark]

Heavy drawn curtains blanket the window
darkness, darkness, cold, alone
hide behind the blankets
clutch your pillow, cover your face
Help me, help me
You scream, yet you hear nothing but silence
Falling, lonesome, down the harrowing abyss
Does no one hear me? Will no one help me?
 
Help me to step out from the dark,
to feel the sun shine on my face,
to feel its warmth in my heart.
Help me step out of this shadow of memory,
out from the cold, abysmal yearning of my soul
and become safe again. 
and become whole again.

[Anonymous]

Heavy drawn curtains blanket the window
darkness, darkness, cold, alone
hide behind the blankets You said cold the line before, yet you hide beneath blankets. That's illogical, unless of course you have cheap blankets. May I suggest substituting "numb" for "cold?"
clutch your pillow, cover your face Ah, this line brings me back to halcyon days. *insert sarcasm here* My jokes aside, this a strong line with relatable content
"Help me, help me!"
You scream, yet you hear nothing but silence instead of "yet you hear nothing but silence", I would shorten it, saying "You screamed,  only answered with echoes" 
Falling, lonesome, down the harrowing abyss a tad melodramatic for the situation, a situation that isn't clear to me as a reader
Does no one hear me? Will no one help me? "Does no one hear me" seems to be a cliche of the misunderstood and depressed [teenage] folk. But if no one else says anything, forget i mentioned it.
 
Help me to step out from the dark, more imagery in this line would help make a more powerful and gripping poem
to feel the sun shine on my face,
to feel its warmth in my heart.
Help me step out of this shadow of memory,
out from the cold, abysmal yearning of my soul what memory does you soul yearn for and cling on to? It is unclear. Is it love, a faithful friend's passing, a lost experience or pleasure, etc. ?
and become safe again. omit this line maybe?
and become whole again.

It's a good poem, but as a reader I am left curious, wondering what spurred such powerful feelings of sadness. My comments are bolded above. Thanks for the read!
-Anon

[stevesteve]

Nice job with this. There a lot of things I like, some nice images and I like the use of repetition. There are definitely some lines where you have to avoid cliches, that just seems to be the nature of this kind of poem. This is particularly apparent in the last line of the first stanza where I bet you could benefit from putting something that furthers the idea a little more off the beaten path. Some of the words here and there may be treading this line too: lonesome, abysmal, yearning etc. I'm not saying to take all of them out or replace them, just to be mindful of how you use them.

Good work!

[billy]

i'd suggest removing words that don't add anything, i've shown one instance, there are more. i'd also second what anon said and exchange some of the line by using stronger images. cliche often weakens a poem. for me, the repetition of ideas and phrases doesn't work.

Heavy drawn curtains blanket the window pretty strong first line.
darkness, darkness, cold, alone a suggestion would be to put [alone] on it own line to create some kind of visual within the poem
hide behind the blankets [blanket] has been used a suggest would be to use something like [drape the window] or another word in the first line.
clutch your pillow, cover your face
Help me, help me
You scream, yet you hear nothing but silence you scream or I scream?  is [yet you hear] needed?
Falling, lonesome, down the harrowing abyss
Does no one hear me? Will no one help me?
 
Help me to step out from the dark,
to feel the sun shine on my face,
to feel its warmth in my heart.
Help me step out of this shadow of memory,
out from the cold, abysmal yearning of my soul
and become safe again. 
and become whole again.

[arbitraryarmor]

It's quite well composed, I must say. Aside from a few wording issues already touched on, there's really not much to say. Perhaps change "blanket" to "cover" for the first line? Blanket is a more positive term with light connotations; perhaps 'obscure' or even 'cover' would fit better.

[phacade]

After reading your poem and the above critiques, I am left with not much to say. Perhaps change the word Blankets in the third line. It is a little confusing on first read when it was just used as a verb in line 1.

[Carlos]

Heavy drawn curtains blanket the window
darkness, darkness, cold, alone
hide behind the blankets Maybe 'shadows' instead of blankets is a better word here just because you are in the darkness.
clutch your pillow, cover your face You are saying 'your' when in the next line you say 'me' maybe 'my' here too instead of 'your'
Help me, help me
You scream, yet you hear nothing but silence Again you go back to third person with 'You' maybe 'I' here instead of 'You'
Falling, lonesome, down the harrowing abyss
Does no one hear me? Will no one help me?
 
Help me to step out from the dark,
to feel the sun shine on my face,
to feel its warmth in my heart.
Help me step out of this shadow of memory,
out from the cold, abysmal yearning of my soul
and become safe again.  Maybe 'To' instead of 'and' To become safe again
and become whole again. Maybe 'To' instead of 'and' To become whole again

[/b]

I really like the way help is asked for in this, very unique!

[Amitey Blyss]

The point of view is sketchy, like others have said, Me, You, Them?

And the use of blanket twice, I agree with the others, another word would be fitting. Shadows, Hiding behind the veil.

The overall tone and feel that I get from it, is the blackness of depression. The sense of loss that one feels when they are all alone and no one can hear them. The bleakness that one feels is known, and the wanting to "feel the sunshine" saddens me.

I like it!