wreckless

[poe]

I live in a wreckless void where
faces grow on trees.
And down where
the roots eat soil
In my mind, I bury my toes in
her cool blackened earth.
Smelling the fragrant dirt where
autumns sweet apples are
churned and displayed 
like a promise of something true.

[cidermaid]

Hi Poe, I know this is not really a crit section, but i've left a few thoughts for you to take or leave as you see fit.

I live in a wreckless void where
faces grow on trees.   Not a fan of the first line but likes the second very much.
And down where
the roots eat soil
In my mind, I bury my toes in
her cool blackened earth.   think perhaps you could contract this a little ; just a suggestion I think my toes into her / the coal blackened soil.
Smelling the fragrant dirt where
autumns sweet apples are
churned and displayed 
like a promise of something true.   Love the organic overtones of the last few lines.

Thanks for the read  AJ.

[tectak]

I live in a wreckless void where
faces grow on trees.
And down where
the roots eat soil
In my mind, I bury my toes in
her cool blackened earth.
Smelling the fragrant dirt where
autumns sweet apples are
churned and displayed 
like a promise of something true.

Hi poe,
L1. Avoid "void". It has a meaning. It means "devoid of everything". As soon as you put something in it it is not a void. Similar to the schoolboy question " How many marbles can you put in to an empty matchbox?"
L3 though no longer strictly applied, beginning a sentence with a conjunction is nonetheless wrong...for a reason. And your line exemplifies that reason.
L4 You write "...the roots eat soil in my mind". You do it mean to, but you fail to punctuate to clarity.
L6 Who her? You do not say.
Last 4 lines do not a sentence make.
The last line is weak and nonsensical.


If you insist on anthropomorphising Autumn, do give her a capital letter and an apostrophe for what is hers.

You have written a vignette but it lacks power, purpose and mostly... precision.
Best,
tectak

[billy]

hi poe;

after a cursory read it felt like some words could be left out in order to tighten up the poem.  i quite enjoyed it but was looking for the why of the poem why do you live in a wreckless [reckless]void? and why are you happy being there?

I live in a wreckless void where no need for [where] void is somewhere you don't live in
faces grow on trees.
And down where no need for [and]and possibly no need for [down] as that's where root tend to be, in which case a suggestion would be to move [where] down to the next line
the roots eat soil i think this line is excellent, it creates a factual image and also work as a metaphor
In my mind, I bury my toes in i like the enjambment used here. at first glance it feels like you want to be stubborn, the next line shows us something different it shows you (the 1st person) wants to grow or perhaps spread out
her cool blackened earth. another good strong line.
Smelling the fragrant dirt where no need for [the]
autumns sweet apples are
churned and displayed 
like a promise of something true. would [real] work better than [true]? i quite like the end though i would like it tied to something more solid.

[Tamara]

I live in a wreckless void where (it's not a great line for a start, maybe you could leave out 'in a wreckless void')
faces grow on trees.
And down where
the roots eat soil (maybe a period here)
In my mind, I bury my toes in
her cool blackened earth. (maybe something instead of 'cool blackened' )
Smelling the fragrant dirt where
autumns sweet apples are
churned and displayed 
like a promise of something true.

There are some good images in the poem and I liked the positive vibe at the ending.

[poe]

Thanks for the crits, I will rework it.
Love always
p