If Money Were a Man

[rowens]

If Money Were a Man



If money were a man I'd murder him in cold blood:
but I'd feel bad about it,
I'd go to church and confess it,
not being Catholic,
in front of the whole congregation;
and I wouldn't accept anyone's forgiveness.

I wouldn't go to prison.
I wouldn't let them take me alive;
I wouldn't kill for my right to be free,
but I wouldn't let them take me alive.

I wouldn't die for it either,
there would be nothing they could do to me,
I wouldn't harm a soul:

If you've ever seen Death Wish,
the way he felt about those men that raped and killed his wife and daughter:
That's the way I feel about money.

If only there was a man I hated as much.

[cidermaid]

Hi rowens why are you only posting in newbie land recntly?
Not sure what level of comments you ar looking for...offered a few thoughts below.
Overall quite likd this one but think it lacks integrity towards th end with the initial statement...seems to contradict itself.

If Money Were a Man



If money were a man I'd murder him in cold blood:

but I'd feel bad about it,

I'd go to church and confess it,

in front of the whole congregation;   I would consider swapping these lines round, i think it reads better / makes more sense  My read shown
not being a catholic,

and I wouldn't accept anyone's forgiveness.  don't think the and is needed.



I wouldn't go to prison.

I wouldn't let them take me alive;

I wouldn't kill for my right to be free,

but I wouldn't let them take me alive.  too many wouldn'ts in this stanza.




I wouldn't die for it either,  I've lost track of if the "it " is the right to bee free or the act of killing the money man.   this stanza is confusing.

there would be nothing they could do to me,

I wouldn't harm a soul:



If you've ever seen Death Wish,

the way he felt about those men that raped and killed his wife and daughter:

That's the way I feel about money.   This is great.  love these three lines.



If only there was a man I hated as much.  good close.

[Snipesrock]

I'm bad at giving critiques and have been reading a lot of others(and the guide threads) to decide how I should, but I'll do my best here.

In the beginning about of it, I understand the main point.  As I read through though, the object of hate seems to fade to me.  The second to last stanza is clear about the feeling again, and the last line is indeed a good closer.  The repeated words make me want to skip by those lines as well.

If Money Were a Man



If money were a man I'd murder him in cold blood:
but I'd feel bad about it,
I'd go to church and confess it,
not being Catholic,
in front of the whole congregation;
and I wouldn't accept anyone's forgiveness.I'm not sure I understand this. I don't really know what to think about it.

I wouldn't go to prison.
I wouldn't let them take me alive;
I wouldn't kill for my right to be free,
but I wouldn't let them take me alive.Too repetitive to hold attention, subject becoming unclear.

I wouldn't die for it either,
there would be nothing they could do to me,
I wouldn't harm a soul:Not sure these lines continue with the theme as well and unsure as how they fit to the rest.

If you've ever seen Death Wish,
the way he felt about those men that raped and killed his wife and daughter:
That's the way I feel about money.I feel this is a great comparison to what the main subject, hate for something/someone, is.

If only there was a man I hated as much.

[Leanne]

This is a great start to your critiquing, Snipesrock, keep up the good work! /admin

[rowens]

You can interpret it anyway you want, say whatever you don't like about it. There's no other reason to post it here.

Money isn't a man, that's the problem.

[Erthona]

rowens,

It's nice being insane, they won't even try to tell you to not do something, as they always assume the person has no volition. Don't post this in tiny letters, it makes it too hard for me to read. If you keep it up, I'll have to come and steal your favorite three legged dog and kick your ass. That is if you haven't  eaten him (the ass, not the dog). If you keep him alive and just eat him in pieces you don't have to worry about freezer burns which are probably about the most nasty things in existence, except for "filthy looquer"(sic). (I have no idea what that means, my mother used to use it to describe money)   

your friend,
dale