Kindness

[vrryan]

This poem is just for fun. I do hope y'all like it and if you have any crits then don't be afraid to reply.
This poem is not metered. I'm just a novice and I was thinking of continuing the "Mirror on the wall", so here goes:

Kindness

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all?
Is it a girl with a smooth hair?
Is it a boy with a skin so fair?
"You may have the looks on the outside,
but the fairest one has beauty inside."
Inscribed on the glass, and has been read,
but no one understood what the mirror said.
A beam of light has struck with tone,
to the girl in the corner who was standing alone.
Everybody was quite in a shock.
Yet the mystery has to be unlock.
"Her eyes are dull that cannot seek,
Her arms are short and knees so weak!"
The mirror spoke to their befall,
"Kindness is the truest beauty of all!"

[rowens]

Inscribed on the glass, and has been read,
but no one understood what the mirror said.

Those two lines have their funny kind of charm. 

A beam of light has struck with tone,
to the girl in the corner who was standing alone.
Everybody was quite in a shock.
Yet the mystery has to be unlock.
"Her eyes are dull that cannot seek,
Her arms are short and knees so weak!"
The mirror spoke to their befall,
"Kindness is the truest beauty of all!"

The rest, the rhymes are just really forced. 

[vrryan]

Inscribed on the glass, and has been read,
but no one understood what the mirror said.

Those two lines have their funny kind of charm. 

A beam of light has struck with tone,
to the girl in the corner who was standing alone.
Everybody was quite in a shock.
Yet the mystery has to be unlock.
"Her eyes are dull that cannot seek,
Her arms are short and knees so weak!"
The mirror spoke to their befall,
"Kindness is the truest beauty of all!"

The rest, the rhymes are just really forced. 

I knew that. What about the good side lol.

[rowens]

The good part came from a fairy tale.

I'm not sure kindness is the truest beauty of all. I find bitter angry women to be the most irresistible.

[ellajam]

hi, vrryan, welcome. You seem to sacrifice clarity and correct word usage towards the end for the sake of the rhyme. I believe it should be "Yet the mystery has to be unlocked." and I have never seen "befall" used like that. I think you could tweak this to clear these spots up. The other issue is the rhymes are a bit common, more unusual and interesting rhymes may hold the reader a bit better.

Only five thoughtful critiques in the workshops makes you a full member, then you can start threads anywhere on the site. Glad to have you here.

This poem is just for fun. I do hope y'all like it and if you have any crits then don't be afraid to reply.
This poem is not metered. I'm just a novice and I was thinking of continuing the "Mirror on the wall", so here goes:

Kindness

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all?
Is it a girl with a smooth hair?
Is it a boy with a skin so fair?
"You may have the looks on the outside,
but the fairest one has beauty inside."
Inscribed on the glass, and has been read,
but no one understood what the mirror said.
A beam of light has struck with tone,
to the girl in the corner who was standing alone.
Everybody was quite in a shock.
Yet the mystery has to be unlock.
"Her eyes are dull that cannot seek,
Her arms are short and knees so weak!"
The mirror spoke to their befall,
"Kindness is the truest beauty of all!"

[vrryan]

The good part came from a fairy tale.

I'm not sure kindness is the truest beauty of all. I find bitter angry women to be the most irresistible.

Ohh that's quite a shock. I mean the poem means that beauty doesn't matter on the outside but it matters on the inside.
Oh come on!

[vrryan]

hi, vrryan, welcome. You seem to sacrifice clarity and correct word usage towards the end for the sake of the rhyme. I believe it should be "Yet the mystery has to be unlocked." and I have never seen "befall" used like that. I think you could tweak this to clear these spots up. The other issue is the rhymes are a bit common, more unusual and interesting rhymes may hold the reader a bit better.

Only five thoughtful critiques in the workshops makes you a full member, then you can start threads anywhere on the site. Glad to have you here.

This poem is just for fun. I do hope y'all like it and if you have any crits then don't be afraid to reply.
This poem is not metered. I'm just a novice and I was thinking of continuing the "Mirror on the wall", so here goes:

Kindness

Mirror mirror on the wall,
who's the fairest of them all?
Is it a girl with a smooth hair?
Is it a boy with a skin so fair?
"You may have the looks on the outside,
but the fairest one has beauty inside."
Inscribed on the glass, and has been read,
but no one understood what the mirror said.
A beam of light has struck with tone,
to the girl in the corner who was standing alone.
Everybody was quite in a shock.
Yet the mystery has to be unlock.
"Her eyes are dull that cannot seek,
Her arms are short and knees so weak!"
The mirror spoke to their befall,
"Kindness is the truest beauty of all!"

Thanks for the crits. I think this poem is more like a nursery rhyme lol. Anyways, this totally helped me alot. Thanks again.

[rowens]

The first part of the poem says it. Then the rest, I guess, shows how difficult it is for people to understand simple messages, and, I guess, how they barely even know how to talk.