Benefit of the Doubt

[Wjames]

Mother laughed and father asked
if I was queer or dumb;
sister blushed and brother punched
until my poems turned numb.
 
Words kept dancing in my mind
then freezing on the page;
soldiers marching rank and file
devoutly to their graves.

[cidermaid]

Hi WJames,
The story / image is clear enough and well told in it's simplicity, but perhaps is a little lacking in excitment. Felt you could re-work this one to greater effect.

Think there is plenty of potential in this one don't give up on it.
Thanks for sharing AJ.

[billy]

Mother laughed and father asked
if I was queer or dumb;
sister blushed and brother punched
until my poems turned numb.
 
Words kept dancing in my mind
then freezing on the page;
soldiers marching rank and file
devoutly to their graves.

extend for a few more verses are the soldiers letters?

[Word Weaver]

Mother laughed and father asked
if I was queer or dumb; -This poem holds true! in all its simplicity, it is very vividly written! yes, it is a sad fact, that nowadays, poetry is not often encouraged nor a " recognized" talent amongst the family. It is seen more of an oddity. And...

sister blushed and brother punched
until my poems turned numb. 
 
Words kept dancing in my mind - but it does, the muse is relentless until I'm told, "stop being childish, or GROW-up! And " get real" then it gets numb and freezes ..on the page just like
then freezing on the page;
soldiers marching rank and file
devoutly to their graves.

Bravo! You have cleverly described our modern day common norm of poetry appreciation, unless you make money out of it, you are wasting time! Thank you for this beautiful read, I love it! 

[justcloudy]

Hi wjames, I'm with billy on this one-- I love the concept and I like what's already there, but want it to be developed more! It feels like a cliffhanger... Maybe another stanza from grown-up-poet perspective? A clever jibe at unsupportive fam? Just an idea. =]

[Wjames]

Thanks for reading and giving me your thoughts everyone, I'll try and write some more for this one.