Wasted Spring

[zahrakh]

Walking bare footed on the turf of past
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing
season,
Spring's music echoed and died away so fast,
But no songs or laments did reach this garden.
Sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed
Wind wandered around with unheard whispers
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled,
Bird held their tongues fearing impolite answers
With foggy vision I looked above at sky
The welcoming rainbow's smile
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while.

[Mwaba don]

Walking bare footed on the turf of past
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing
season,
Spring's music echoed and died away so fast,
But no songs or laments did reach this garden.
Sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed
Wind wandered around with unheard whispers
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled,
Bird held their tongues fearing impolite answers Birds?Spelling.. How do birds fear impolite answers from who?
With foggy vision I looked above at sky (Is the Word The missing intentionally)
The welcoming rainbow's smile (did you mean THEN?)
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while.

Your poem has nice rhymes.
I Think it always good to break the poem into Stanzas.
The words with the letters W set a nice mood for the poem.
And has a nice flow to it. It is a very good poem overall

[zahrakh]

Oh thank you for pointing out mistakes Mwaba.

[2fargone]

to me to feels like u tried really hard to find words that rhymed to add an efect...well that effect isnt there its like u tried to hard...... also.... rnt rainbows frowning not smiling?

[Starbeam]

Please continue the poem. I want to know "why". Maybe you find hope in the future and in the past and the passing seasons just bring beauty from nature into the equation?

[TheOnlyRedSmurf]

Walking bare footed on the turf of the? past
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing
season,
Spring's music ,? echoed and died away so fast,
But no songs or laments did reach this garden.
Sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed
Wind wandered around with unheard whispers
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled,
Bird held their tongues fearing impolite answers
With foggy vision I looked above at sky
The welcoming rainbow's smile
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while.

I'm not sure if you are missing punctuation and the odd word here and there.
there seems to be a lack of structure, though not to the extent that it breaks the poem it just interrupts the rhythm.

It's certainly an interesting start. I'd love to see some tweaks and twists to the story

[Brownlie]

Walking bare footed on the turf of past -- Turf of past seems awfully abstract
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing -- This is sort of like two parenthetical bits of info in a row. For instance, I could write. With glee, with sadness, I went to the store. However, that may sound awkward which I suppose you could toy with. I'm quite sure if I'm getting at anything relevant here.
season,
Spring's music echoed and died away, -- Maybe use an adverb like quickly for fast
but no songs or laments reached the garden: -- Did reach sounds awkward syntactically
sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed;
wind wandered around with unheard whispers;
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled.
Fearing impolite answers, birds held their tongues. - Birds. I wasn't quite sure what the fearing impolite answers applied to, but I tinkered with the syntax. However, this sentence reads a bit out of place like a sentence that doesn't belong in a paragraph.
With foggy vision, I looked above at sky -- At sky is a little awkward
The welcoming rainbow's smile -- Something seems off here.
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while. -- till this while is what some would call poetical. This means it sounds like what poetry in books sort of reads like when authors like Wordsworth deviate from their purpose of representing a common or natural language, so to speak.

I like the topic, good luck.

[StanleyZ]

Walking bare footed on the turf of past
With an unusual nonchalance for the changing
season,
Spring's music echoed and died away so fast,
But no songs or laments did reach this garden.
Sweet fragrance of ripe fruits went unnoticed
Wind wandered around with unheard whispers
And the thunderstorms above just stared,
troubled,
Bird held their tongues fearing impolite answers
With foggy vision I looked above at sky
The welcoming rainbow's smile
But couldn't return the gesture, why?
I wonder till this while.

wow, whoever this speaker is, he/she sure does seem pensive. The speaker talks about the ending of Spring, a wasted Spring. Maybe the speaker is having trouble letting go of something? After all he/she is walking bare footed in the turf of past. Does that mean the turf in the midst of a passing season, or is the speaker being nostalgic? I like to think it sort of means both, but the past turf becomes a literal setting in the form of a garden. Well gardens are nice, the happiest thing presented so far... But the songs of Spring never touched this garden. The fruit wasn't even redolent! Even the wind seems to ignore this place. This is definitely no Eden. If it all weren't bad enough now the birds are unresponsive by-standers and not even the storm is willing to touch this place. Finally the speaker finds closure in the following rainbow, but it isn't enough to assuage the dreariness of a "wasted spring".

What I find intriguing is that Spring is supposed to lead into summer. You have all of these allusions to time and changing seasons, but the atmosphere of this poem screams Autumn to me. It doesn't feel like Spring at all, which I imagine was your intention. That is cool, if not a bit unsettling, but poetry doesn't need a happy ending. Your lines are quite long as well. Having that many syllables in a line isn't something I do often. It almost feels to me that this should be in basic meter. I feel like if you cut it down a little bit you could have a great opportunity to use subtle imperfections in the meter to reinforce your theme.

[zahrakh]

Wow, you guys rock thank you for the critique.