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Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
These are some lyrics I wrote a year ago, and I thought I'd put them up so' see can tear them apart. They seem clearly to violate the Lyrics primer--anyway, so, if anyone wants to kick these around, I think it'd be instructive:
So She Rides
[Verse]
Parker County, Texas,
Just before the line,
Hitchin' up my pony,
Peaches getting ripe.
Saw you silhouetted
Like you was made of air
South of the old forty
North of where you care.
[Chorus]
I was wise
Until the springtime
I was strong
Til you made me reach
Parker County ever cross your mind?
Every time I eat a peach.
[Bridge]
And she rides on without me
Girl can shoot a gun
And she pulled til it emptied
Saw her pony as she run.
[Chorus]
Now there's scars in the orchard
And the tracks the pony spun
Don't wash out in the summer squalls
And I love that pony, don't it run?
A yak is normal.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
does the title come from a porn title
is the 'she' in the song the pony? the meter doesn't sound bad, though i know meter isn't the same with lyrics.
in some places it rhymes in others it don't is that a good or bad thing with lyrics? in general it reads okay and the love of a horse will always be country and western to me, so that's how i see it. i'm crap wit lyrics so it's all i have to offer
(09-25-2014, 04:31 PM)crow Wrote: These are some lyrics I wrote a year ago, and I thought I'd put them up so' see can tear them apart. They seem clearly to violate the Lyrics primer--anyway, so, if anyone wants to kick these around, I think it'd be instructive:
So She Rides
[Verse]
Parker County, Texas,
Just before the line,
Hitchin' up my pony,
Peaches getting ripe.
Saw you silhouetted
Like you was made of air
South of the old forty
North of where you care. i like this line i'm getting it's c&w song so far
[Chorus]
I was wise
Until the springtime
I was strong
Til you made me reach
Parker County ever cross your mind?
Every time I eat a peach.
[Bridge]
And she rides on without me
Girl can shoot a gun
And she pulled til it emptied
Saw her pony as she run.
[Chorus]
Now there's scars in the orchard
And the tracks the pony spun
Don't wash out in the summer squalls
And I love that pony, don't it run?
Posts: 250
Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
"does the title come from a porn title ?"
No, but that made me spit out my coke hahaha
A yak is normal.
Posts: 250
Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
"is the 'she' in the song the pony? the meter doesn't sound bad, though i know meter isn't the same with lyrics.
in some places it rhymes in others it don't is that a good or bad thing with lyrics? in general it reads okay and the love of a horse will always be country and western to me, so that's how i see it. i'm crap wit lyrics so it's all i have to offer"
billy,
I'm learning, too. See if this seems right. The problem with the above is in the flags. It's flagged w a verse, a chorus, and a bridge, but in reality, it's all verses. This is a through-composed piece, and so the flags should be [Verse 1], [Verse 2], [Verse 3].
The note should be this: "crow, either make a legit chorus and a true bridge, or label as through-composed."
I'll rewrite it so that it has a true chorus and a proper bridge:
A yak is normal.
Posts: 250
Threads: 85
Joined: Dec 2013
This isn't *good*, but it at least isn't mislabeled
Fly, My Darling, Fly
[Verse 1]
Parker County, Texas,
Just before the line,
Hitchin' up my pony,
Peaches getting ripe.
Saw you silhouetted
Like you was made of air,
South of the old forty,
North of where you care.
[Chorus]
Fly, my darling fly x 3
So far you can never look back . . .
[Verse 2]
I was wise
Until the springtime.
I was strong
Til you made me reach.
Parker County ever cross your mind?
Every time I eat a peach.
[Chorus]
Fly, my darling fly x 3
So far you can never look back . . .
[Bridge]
Her pony had a star
Right between the eyes.
Me and him
Were always
So alike . . .
[Verse 1]
And she rides on without me.
Girl can shoot a gun.
And she pulled til it emptied.
Saw her pony as she run.
Now there's scars in the orchard,
And the tracks the pony spun
Don't wash out in the summer squalls,
And I love that pony, don't it run?
A yak is normal.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
The note should be this: "crow, either make a legit chorus and a true bridge, or label as through-composed."
