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Harder Questions
Only in the midst of mighty challenge,
maybe completely drenched in sweat
when your grip on the goal begins to loosen,
listen, you can hear it, I’ll bet
Yes, it is faint, barely discernable
well mixed in the challenge’s din
just when circumstances demand your most
on the breeze it meanders in.
A soft-sounding and consoling comfort,
a navigator, just to guide,
a trusted mentor asking questions, but
warning! the questions contain lies.
They are cleverly cloaked in sincerity
they seem to be cogent and kind
but the questions - just a fisherman’s lure
designed to hook and reel the mind!
Beware of that calm and quiet voice Cae
softly it dissuades and distracts
until the goal slips just beyond reach
and when there is no looking back
with gale force the harder questions arrive
with answers that haunt you for life
like, “What would have been the view from the top?”
and, “Could I have endured the strife?”
And then when fate has relegated your
opportunities to but few
and time, now a sentinel that only lets
discouraging visitors through,
the breeze is vacant of the soft, quiet voice
gone to where bright prospects anew
mightily toil to grasp for their greatness
while choosing what they’ll listen to.
Fear not the wrath of the harder questions
for they will never come to mind
unless the sentinel posts by your cell
‘cause you answered the quiet kind
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
the 5/4 metric lines seems fine, though i'm not sure about a couple of them (meter isn't something i've mastered)
not sure about this line:
but it didn't hinder the read.
and;
like, “What would have been the view from the top?”
and
with answers that haunt you for life
there's not a lot of depth to the poem and it has a lot of imponderables but for me that's okay because i think the poem is alluding to that big imponderable....meter.
as an exercise which i'm assuming it is, it's almost excellent.
Posts: 5,057
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Joined: Dec 2009
(09-13-2014, 08:44 PM)fim Wrote: Harder Questions
Only in the midst of mighty challenge,
maybe completely drenched in sweat
when your grip on the goal begins to loosen, is there an extra 1/2 foot
listen, you can hear it, I’ll bet
Yes, it is faint, barely discernable discernible
well mixed in the challenge’s din
just when circumstances demand your most
on the breeze it meanders in.
A soft-sounding and consoling comfort,
a navigator, just to guide,
a trusted mentor asking questions, but
warning! the questions contain lies.
They are cleverly cloaked in sincerity it feels like there's a extra 1/2 foot
they seem to be cogent and kind
but the questions - just a fisherman’s lure
designed to hook and reel the mind!
Beware of that calm and quiet voice Cae
softly it dissuades and distracts
until the goal slips just beyond reach feels like it's missing half a foot. a suggestion would be [one's reach]
and when there is no looking back
with gale force the harder questions arrive
with answers that haunt you for life
like, “What would have been the view from the top?”
and, “Could I have endured the strife?”
And then when fate has relegated your
opportunities to but few
and time, now a sentinel that only lets 1/2 foot to many
discouraging visitors through,
the breeze is vacant of the soft, quiet voice
gone to where bright prospects anew
mightily toil to grasp for their greatness
while choosing what they’ll listen to.
Fear not the wrath of the harder questions
for they will never come to mind
unless the sentinel posts by your cell
‘cause you answered the quiet kind
Posts: 64
Threads: 12
Joined: Jun 2013
Billy,
Thank you so much! I have been attempting to master meter by ensuring my syllable count is consistent throughout the poem. I don't understand the term "foot" and if it is a poet's jargon for syllable, don't understand how you can have 1/2 of one. I will look those things up. One thing I do understand though is that you are a very gracious mentor, and I appreciate your the time and effort you expend guiding me to poetic credibility.
Yea, my poems are simple ... no great mysteries (which is to say lacking obscurity - wrote about that in "Out in the Cold" 
Someday I will self publish my works in "Words Along the Way - the simple poetic musings of an outspoken heart" ... but thanks to PigPen (and that is a genuine thanks) ... I have to go back and rework each poem to address their lack of discernable meter.
The take away billie is - THANK YOU VERY MUCH!
fim
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
09-16-2014, 09:24 PM
(This post was last modified: 09-17-2014, 07:18 PM by billy.)
leanne, milo and others are the ones in the know,
take a look here;
care of Leanne;
Iambic: an iamb is made up of two syllables where the stress (or accent) is placed on the second syllable.
eg.
"She CANnot FADE, though THOU hast NOT thy BLISS,
For EVer WILT thou LOVE, and SHE be FAIR!"
(Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn".
a half foot is one of the beats. picture;
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM
and remove a [da] or a [DUM] it would leave you a half foot short
1 [da DUM] is a foot of iambic pentameter. eithe of [da DUM] is a half foot
[da] being the unstressed foot and DUM being the stressed one.
here
Posts: 64
Threads: 12
Joined: Jun 2013
(09-16-2014, 09:24 PM)billy Wrote: leanne, milo and others are the ones in the know,
take a look here;
care of Leanne;
Iambic: an iamb is made up of two syllables where the stress (or accent) is placed on the second syllable.
eg.
"She CANnot FADE, though THOU hast NOT thy BLISS,
For EVer WILT thou LOVE, and SHE be FAIR!"
(Keats, Ode on a Grecian Urn".
a half foot is one of the beats. picture;
da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM da DUM
and remove a [da] or a [DUM] it would leave you a half foot short
1 [da DUM] is a foot of iambic pentameter. eithe of [da DUM] is a half foot
[da] being the unstressed foot and DUM being the stressed one.
here
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