Monte Carlo

[cjchaffin]

In silhouette
the face is framed;
a cold vignette
portrays his shame.

A gaze unmet
reveals the blame,
for sweet Jeannette
has doused the flame.

The fair coquette,
his wealth her aim,
has left upset
in search of fame.

A spun roulette,
his loot, a dame—
our young cadet
has lost the game.

[billy]

i suppose it has an od cliche in there but i liked it enough not to see anything wrong. it made me laugh and felt natural in doing so. the meter felt good the rhyme was unobtrusive. and i laughed. thanks for the read, sorry i couldn't be more constructive on how to improve it.

[cjchaffin]

thanks billy. it's meant to be a little on the ridiculous side. if i wanted it to be more serious, i'd have made the lines longer and fleshed out the story. so i'm glad you got a chuckle out of it thanks for reading