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a haiku

a haiku
cjchaffin Offline
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#1
08-12-2014, 08:36 AM
in the garden
sunning herself
a mantis, sated
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Leanne Offline
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#2
08-12-2014, 08:45 AM
Great image -- and of course, she's just had a gentleman for dinner Smile
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cjchaffin Offline
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#3
08-12-2014, 08:48 AM
maybe he weren't a gentleman... Big Grin
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Leanne Offline
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#4
08-12-2014, 08:50 AM
even tastier...
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ellajam Offline
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#5
08-12-2014, 08:54 AM
(08-12-2014, 08:36 AM)cjchaffin Wrote:  in the garden
sunning herself
a mantis, sated

The last line woke me up, Smile. I'm not sure you need the first line, or maybe a specific image (maybe bug-sized), or scent from the garden instead.

Thanks for the read, enjoyed it.
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cjchaffin Offline
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#6
08-12-2014, 08:56 AM
(08-12-2014, 08:50 AM)Leanne Wrote:  even tastier...

indeed.
(08-12-2014, 08:54 AM)ellajam Wrote:  
(08-12-2014, 08:36 AM)cjchaffin Wrote:  in the garden
sunning herself
a mantis, sated

The last line woke me up, Smile. I'm not sure you need the first line, or maybe a specific image (maybe bug-sized), or scent from the garden instead.

Thanks for the read, enjoyed it.

that's a great point. thanks!
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cjchaffin Offline
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#7
08-13-2014, 12:55 AM
thanks H. we have some fantastic gardens on the campus i work at. inspirations galore...
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John Galt Offline
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#8
08-13-2014, 04:59 AM
I like your last word, it throws up 2 or 3 connotations for me, I enjoyed putting them in a certain order....JG
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cjchaffin Offline
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#9
08-13-2014, 06:05 AM
thanks JG, much appreciated.
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Keith Offline
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#10
08-13-2014, 06:51 AM
A new word for me "sated" so thanks for that, and it makes the last line, I agree with others that L1 could do more but no the less a very nice Haiku. Best Keith

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cjchaffin Offline
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#11
08-13-2014, 12:31 PM
thanks Keith. haiku are not my favorite to pen but i like to try my hand every now and then.

hey that rhymed! frightening...
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newsclippings Offline
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#12
08-13-2014, 12:34 PM
haikus
are
haikus
I'll be there in a minute.
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cjchaffin Offline
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#13
08-13-2014, 12:39 PM
a horse
is a horse
of course

of course
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