Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

[ajcohen613]

*It's been about a week since I've posted. Here's what I got!

Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

Walking alone, I see no throbbing constellations
and hear no crickets strumming harp strings.
I expected the lusty night air to kiss me sweetly,
to caress my aching spine like a caring wife.
My fault was to expect anything from a nocturnal stroll,
to imagine what my walk was to be like amongst unseen movements
blurred by my extrapolated meanings.
My walk is a walk and when I return home
there will be no rare nectar to wet my lips,
there will be no muse to quiet my crowded brain.
I am no tortured artist; just a wayward junior who wants to grow old
and does not know why.
I am tamed by the work shackled to my bedside,
oppressed by schooling and hefty debt;
these are the privileges we celebrate and so I am happy.
On my lit porch stares a hungry possum;
upon my approach, he ventures off into the blue darkness like a vigilante.
Eating leftover mashed potatoes,
I helplessly imagine myself as that very same varmint
staring back at someone I do not know.
In the mirror I find myself, but tonight I cannot be certain.

[Tiger the Lion]

Hi AJ. I like the theme. Will try to make some notes below.

*It's been about a week since I've posted. Here's what I got!

Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

Walking alone tonight, I see no throbbing constellations
and hear no crickets strumming harp strings.
I expected the dark lusty void to kiss me sweetly, a lot to expect from a void.
to caress my aching spine like a caring wife.
My fault was to expect anything from a nocturnal stroll,
to imagine what my walk was to be like amongst unseen movementsunnecessarily long line -
blurred by my extrapolated meanings.
My walk is a walk and when I return homeI think "My walk is a walk" should be its own line.
there will be no rare nectar to wet my lips,
there will be no muse to alleviate my crowded brain.alleviate or relieve?
I am no tortured artist; just a wayward junior who wants to grow oldlike the sound of "wayward junior"
and does not know why.
I am tamed by the work shackled to my bedside,
oppressed by schooling and hefty debt;
these are the privileges we celebrate and so I am happy.
On my lit porch stares a hungry possum;
upon my approach, he ventures off into the blue darkness like a vigilantly.typo - vigilante
Eating leftover mashed potatoes,
I helplessly imagine myself as that very same possum
staring back at someone I do not know.
In the mirror I find myself, but tonight I cannot be certain.

Enjoyed this AJ. Hope some of that is helpful. Thanks for sharing.- Paul

[ajcohen613]

Hi AJ. I like the theme. Will try to make some notes below.

*It's been about a week since I've posted. Here's what I got!

Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

Walking alone tonight, I see no throbbing constellations
and hear no crickets strumming harp strings.
I expected the dark lusty void to kiss me sweetly, a lot to expect from a void.
to caress my aching spine like a caring wife.
My fault was to expect anything from a nocturnal stroll,
to imagine what my walk was to be like amongst unseen movementsunnecessarily long line -
blurred by my extrapolated meanings.
My walk is a walk and when I return homeI think "My walk is a walk" should be its own line.
there will be no rare nectar to wet my lips,
there will be no muse to alleviate my crowded brain.alleviate or relieve?
I am no tortured artist; just a wayward junior who wants to grow oldlike the sound of "wayward junior"
and does not know why.
I am tamed by the work shackled to my bedside,
oppressed by schooling and hefty debt;
these are the privileges we celebrate and so I am happy.
On my lit porch stares a hungry possum;
upon my approach, he ventures off into the blue darkness like a vigilantly.typo - vigilante
Eating leftover mashed potatoes,
I helplessly imagine myself as that very same possum
staring back at someone I do not know.
In the mirror I find myself, but tonight I cannot be certain.

Enjoyed this AJ. Hope some of that is helpful. Thanks for sharing.- Paul

I appreciate the void comment - I had been struggling on that line. Also, it's to my understanding that "alleviate" and "relieve" are synonyms.

[cjchaffin]

hi aj. i really like some of the images you conjure up here and there's some really nice word choice that makes for a good read. i have a few suggestions for you to use or lose:

*It's been about a week since I've posted. Here's what I got!

Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

Walking alone tonight, I see no throbbing constellations do you need "tonight" as a qualifier? it's implied in the title already and alluded to in the following lines and implicitly in the conclusion
and hear no crickets strumming harp strings.
I expected the lusty night air to kiss me sweetly,
to caress my aching spine like a caring wife. love love love this image
My fault was to expect anything from a nocturnal stroll,
to imagine what my walk was to be like amongst unseen movements
blurred by my extrapolated meanings.
My walk is a walk and when I return home
there will be no rare nectar to wet my lips,
there will be no muse to alleviate my crowded brain. hmm, alleviate here just doesn't sit right with me. you alleviate a symptom of something, not the actual something itself..you would alleviate the pressure on the brain but not the brain itself. makes sense?
I am no tortured artist; just a wayward junior who wants to grow old
and does not know why.
I am tamed by the work shackled to my bedside,
oppressed by schooling and hefty debt; haha yes, i can relate...
these are the privileges we celebrate and so I am happy.
On my lit porch stares a hungry possum;
upon my approach, he ventures off into the blue darkness like a vigilante.
Eating leftover mashed potatoes,
I helplessly imagine myself as that very same possum the repetition of possum bugs me a little. you've already named it. maybe creature or animal or something similar that would tie in better as the narrator is identifying with the possum in this line
staring back at someone I do not know.
In the mirror I find myself, but tonight I cannot be certain.

these are minor nits though. really enjoyed this!

[ajcohen613]

hi aj. i really like some of the images you conjure up here and there's some really nice word choice that makes for a good read. i have a few suggestions for you to use or lose:

*It's been about a week since I've posted. Here's what I got!

Tonight I Cannot Be Certain

Walking alone tonight, I see no throbbing constellations do you need "tonight" as a qualifier? it's implied in the title already and alluded to in the following lines and implicitly in the conclusion
and hear no crickets strumming harp strings.
I expected the lusty night air to kiss me sweetly,
to caress my aching spine like a caring wife. love love love this image
My fault was to expect anything from a nocturnal stroll,
to imagine what my walk was to be like amongst unseen movements
blurred by my extrapolated meanings.
My walk is a walk and when I return home
there will be no rare nectar to wet my lips,
there will be no muse to alleviate my crowded brain. hmm, alleviate here just doesn't sit right with me. you alleviate a symptom of something, not the actual something itself..you would alleviate the pressure on the brain but not the brain itself. makes sense?
I am no tortured artist; just a wayward junior who wants to grow old
and does not know why.
I am tamed by the work shackled to my bedside,
oppressed by schooling and hefty debt; haha yes, i can relate...
these are the privileges we celebrate and so I am happy.
On my lit porch stares a hungry possum;
upon my approach, he ventures off into the blue darkness like a vigilante.
Eating leftover mashed potatoes,
I helplessly imagine myself as that very same possum the repetition of possum bugs me a little. you've already named it. maybe creature or animal or something similar that would tie in better as the narrator is identifying with the possum in this line
staring back at someone I do not know.
In the mirror I find myself, but tonight I cannot be certain.

these are minor nits though. really enjoyed this!

I took a good amount of your advice! Check it out if you'd like.