Untitled

[billy]

hi bbb

we don't do the poll thing outside the poll forum, we just give feedback.
first off thanks for giving reasonable feedback elsewhere.
now the poem at hand.

a title would have helped a lot in defining the poem in a better light

in general the poem gives or shows nothing definite. i see a state of mind but concerning what isn't as clear. the poem is too generic, it could be about love war power and hundred more things. tie it to something solid.

Sir, we have but nothing why the [but] it doesn't add to the poem.
in this place
we once knew.
It has been the opening stanza is pretty weak an metaphore or simile would have elevated it a lot. what has been trampled on etc. the reader needs more information
taken
and trampled upon
and bound.
We too have been gagged
by justice.
Every forward step taken
in dealing with us
crushes us further.
Our needs are exploited
and we are paraded about no need for [about] as it's a given
as animals,
but we go hungrier.

Sir, we are suffocated
by the likes of you.

And there is but nothing
in this place
we once knew.

[Erthona]

I've read many poem titled "untitled". If a poem is worth posting, it is worth some kind of title.

What is "but nothing"? The writer uses it several times so it must be important, still I am unsure what a "but nothing" is.

"there is but nothing
in this place
we once knew."

Did it use to be empty of "but nothing"? Or is there just a little "but nothing" scattered around.

"Sir, we are suffocated
by the likes of you."

Actually I thought the speaker and his kin were starved by the likes of whoever the unidentified protagonist is.



"but we go hungrier" is said as if in surprise, why is there an expectation expressed when everything before would argue just the opposite?

All I can really tell from this poem is that someone or thing is being suppressed, or what they feel is suppression. Although I am at a loss to understand how someone can be

"gagged by justice."

as justice means getting what one deserves, good or bad.

This needs at least some indication of who the speaker is and who the protagonist is. As it stands it is meaningless, but not even nonsensical.


Dale

PS, just having a little fun at your expense. Sorry couldn't resits having some with a few the phrases. Don't take it to heart. Sometimes I forget myself and have too much fun.