Lyrics // Foreign Devils

[Bunx]

Verse 1:

Stepping out
of control.

Taking down
your only goal.

What will happen
to you there?

Be safe when
your mind declares
it wants to go.

Verse 2:

Reaching out
for a rope.

Take me back
there's no hope.

If you want
to see me.

Bring me too,
I'll return again.

Bridge:

Who thought I could dream
for a week, and then a month
or so it seems.

When will I be awake again?

This voice in my head, it's not normal,
it's what I hear outside.

Is there a place where I can hide?

Pull me up, pull me out, to realities confines.

[maximumjake]

Verse 1:

Stepping out
of control.

Taking down
your only goal. Having read all lyrics, I still don't quite know what your "goal" actually is. Expand or connect this somehow.
What will happen
to you there?

Be safe when
your mind declares
it wants to go.

Verse 2:

Reaching out
for a rope.
At first I thought this was a suicide image, since it does kind of seem that way when you take it with the previous lines. Read/spoken by itself, it seems as just a cry for help. May be a bit confusing.
Take me back
there's no hope.

If you want
to see me again.

Bring me too,
I'll return again.

Bridge:

Who thought I could dream
for a week, and then a month
or so it seems.

When will I be awake again? Instead of a question here I think it would be more effective to just say "I'll never be awake again" Also your song is getting question heavy for me at this point.

This voice in my head, it's not normal,
it's what I hear outside.

Is there a place where I can hide?

Pull me up, pull me out, to realities confines To me, this works better as the title of your song.

[Erthona]

The content seems to be overrode by the rhyme. The first part is fairly consistent, with two accents per line. The last two section of part two blows the pattern big time, and the "again" ending twice is too much. I won't even comment on form in the last section.

I haven't a clue what this is suppose to be about. As such this fails for me as a poem. However it may be great as lyrics. Although lyrics can be a poem, they do not have to be.

Dale

[Bunx]

Thanks for the feedback. I agree the song is pretty vague I wrote it about my experience with my mental illness. Life of living in a surreal reality. I changed up the wording of the second verse. We are recording this song next month so i'll post it when it is all done.