Inspired War

[QDeathstar]

Inspire
Another lier.
Set a soul a fire.

Neglect
Another affect.
Ground a grief, a sect.

Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed.

Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate.

Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test.

Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page.

[tectak]

Inspire
Another lier.liar
Set a soul a fire. "afire" but archaic. "on fire"

Neglect
Another affect.
Ground a grief, a sect. Gobbledygook

Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed. Preachy and forced rhyme. Difficult to avoid with short, staccato lines.

Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate. Gobbledygook and forced rhyme

Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test. This is not working.

Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page.

You began without an idea then you lost whatever idea you never had. This happens to everyone. Most (me included) don't post such stuff. I once did. Never again.
Best,
tectak

[QDeathstar]

There is definitely an idea, here.

[Truerenigma]

Inspire
Another lier.
Set a soul a fire.

Neglect
Another affect.
Ground a grief, a sect.

Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed.

Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate.

Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test.

Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page.

Meh, I've seen much better done with acrostics.

[tectak]

There is definitely an idea, here.

Where?

[i pray to pills]

Inspire
Another lier.
Set a soul a fire.

Neglect
Another affect.
Ground a grief, a sect.

Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed.

Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate.

Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test.

Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page.

first it seemed very random the content in each stanza.

in a second reading it sounds like based on history.

"ground a grief, a sect" sounds nice; makes me think about the institutionalization of habits. ground a grief sounds like a pretty expression.
it cames from somewhere ?

the last verses sounds less impactant than the others. but i think i don't see the meaning in "turn a tool, a page" exactly. turn a page seems not to no fit with "turn a tool". turn a tool makes me think of the modern british navy or something. a page sounds weak, like, that's all a fairy tale.

---

if i was the writer i 'd put a title in each stanza with a very concrete historical event to guide the reading.

Jesus, Montesquieu, or Karl Marx:

Inspire
Another lier.
Set a soul a fire.

Constantino, Napoleon , Stalin:

Neglect
Another affect.
Ground a grief, a sect.

[S.M. Bondurant]

Inspire
Another lier. - This works for me, I can see someone inspirational being a liar.
Set a soul a fire. - This only seems to work for me if it is a play on 'liar liar set your pants on fire', if that's the case then 'set your soul on fire' would work better.

Neglect
Another affect. - I believe you might have meant effect? Effect of what?
Ground a grief, a sect. - I don't understand this.

Seed
another need.
Con and kill and bleed. - Someone said this sounded preachy, and I agree.

Agitate
another hate.
Sell a cell, a fate. - This doesn't work for me, though I see potential in the two lines before it.

Nest
another jest.
Muck and mire and test. - I don't see how any of this stanza fits in..

Engage
another rage.
Turn a tool, a page. - A better play could be made on 'Engage' than what is offered in these two lines.

For me, this piece would work out a lot better if 'Nest', 'Engage' and 'Seed' were changed to something that feels like it fits more with 'Inspire', 'Neglect' and 'Agitate'. They feel out of place to me.

[QDeathstar]

Thanks everyone for the input. I will consider.


The point of this poem is to express the motivations for war, and their affect.

The first stanza is about how we reward (and inspire) people who lie to us.

The second stanza is how we ignore the affects leaders lies have. Comparable to the United States relationship with Afghanistan and the affect that had on the region, it gave grounds to a grief within the country, which became a sect ~ Al Qaeda

The third stanza is about how major corporations (think Halliburton) continuously lobby the government for money by seeding needs in the heads of politicians. In turn, the we con ourself into believing these lies, and kill and bleed ourselves.

The fourth stanza is about how our actions in the world stage give rise to feelings of disapproval, distrust, dislike in the world, "agitating hate". The next line needs work, but what i was going for is that these wars we sell ourselves on, create a prison we are trapped in, and a fate for the government (negative connotation)

Fifth stanza probably needs work, i was really referring to how we get bogged down in conflicts even when we don't want to be there anymore (Iraq, Vietnam).

Sixth stanza is a out how powerful our ability to engage our countries citizens to support a war they know nothing about, the machine we have to propagandize war is immense. Tool, here, is a euphemism for fool. And a page is meant as a progression of time.

Its all insane, hence the lettering down the side, there.

This ^^^ isnt a justification, just an explanation.


That was the thought, tectak.

[i pray to pills]

i thought "lier " meant someone who's laying down.


So set a fire would be wake someone up with a call of some kind.

---

an angel's sword.

---

"Ground a grief", the angel's feet are in the floor.


I don't see much sense in talking about daily events in poetry without appealing directly to the long duration of these events.

[QDeathstar]

Liar was a typo

[i pray to pills]

so i think you could consider the typo.

[tectak]

Thanks everyone for the input. I will consider.


The point of this poem is to express the motivations for war, and their affect.

The first stanza is about how we reward (and inspire) people who lie to us.

The second stanza is how we ignore the affects leaders lies have. Comparable to the United States relationship with Afghanistan and the affect that had on the region, it gave grounds to a grief within the country, which became a sect ~ Al Qaeda

The third stanza is about how major corporations (think Halliburton) continuously lobby the government for money by seeding needs in the heads of politicians. In turn, the we con ourself into believing these lies, and kill and bleed ourselves.

The fourth stanza is about how our actions in the world stage give rise to feelings of disapproval, distrust, dislike in the world, "agitating hate". The next line needs work, but what i was going for is that these wars we sell ourselves on, create a prison we are trapped in, and a fate for the government (negative connotation)

Fifth stanza probably needs work, i was really referring to how we get bogged down in conflicts even when we don't want to be there anymore (Iraq, Vietnam).

Sixth stanza is a out how powerful our ability to engage our countries citizens to support a war they know nothing about, the machine we have to propagandize war is immense. Tool, here, is a euphemism for fool. And a page is meant as a progression of time.

Its all insane, hence the lettering down the side, there.

This ^^^ isnt a justification, just an explanation.


That was the thought, tectak.

You must use EFFECT and not AFFECT. AFFECT is the wrong word and both in the poem and in your explanatory perambulations you confuse by its use, as the reader does not know yet if your word skills are to be trusted. Lier, liar. How do we inspire those who lie to us? Do you mean "inspire"?
The subjects you say you cover are immensely complex and need clear analysis, one way or the other, to make salient points. This kind of puzzle procedure makes you look a dilettante and it is your fault. As I say until I am bored with myself, once you admit that your poem CAN be explained it begs a question...why didn't you so do IN the poem? I am still in catatonic shock trying to work out how a tool is a euphemism for a fool. Do you mean euphemism? In fact, do you mean tool?
Best and no hard feelings,
this poem is bigger than us both.
tectak

[S.M. Bondurant]

Thanks everyone for the input. I will consider.


The point of this poem is to express the motivations for war, and their affect.

The first stanza is about how we reward (and inspire) people who lie to us.

The second stanza is how we ignore the affects leaders lies have. Comparable to the United States relationship with Afghanistan and the affect that had on the region, it gave grounds to a grief within the country, which became a sect ~ Al Qaeda

The third stanza is about how major corporations (think Halliburton) continuously lobby the government for money by seeding needs in the heads of politicians. In turn, the we con ourself into believing these lies, and kill and bleed ourselves.

The fourth stanza is about how our actions in the world stage give rise to feelings of disapproval, distrust, dislike in the world, "agitating hate". The next line needs work, but what i was going for is that these wars we sell ourselves on, create a prison we are trapped in, and a fate for the government (negative connotation)

Fifth stanza probably needs work, i was really referring to how we get bogged down in conflicts even when we don't want to be there anymore (Iraq, Vietnam).

Sixth stanza is a out how powerful our ability to engage our countries citizens to support a war they know nothing about, the machine we have to propagandize war is immense. Tool, here, is a euphemism for fool. And a page is meant as a progression of time.

Its all insane, hence the lettering down the side, there.

This ^^^ isnt a justification, just an explanation.


That was the thought, tectak.

You must use EFFECT and not AFFECT. AFFECT is the wrong word and both in the poem and in your explanatory perambulations you confuse by its use, as the reader does not know yet if your word skills are to be trusted. Lier, liar. How do we inspire those who lie to us? Do you mean "inspire"?
The subjects you say you cover are immensely complex and need clear analysis, one way or the other, to make salient points. This kind of puzzle procedure makes you look a dilettante and it is your fault. As I say until I am bored with myself, once you admit that your poem CAN be explained it begs a question...why didn't you so do IN the poem? I am still in catatonic shock trying to work out how a tool is a euphemism for a fool. Do you mean euphemism? In fact, do you mean tool?
Best and no hard feelings,
this poem is bigger than us both.
tectak

He just means slang, Tectak, not euphemism. Sometimes tool is substituted as slang for a foolish person or a person of low intellect.

I just wanted to clear that one small point at least.

Though I still am not clear about the way that it is used in this instance.

[tectak]

Thanks everyone for the input. I will consider.


The point of this poem is to express the motivations for war, and their affect.

The first stanza is about how we reward (and inspire) people who lie to us.

The second stanza is how we ignore the affects leaders lies have. Comparable to the United States relationship with Afghanistan and the affect that had on the region, it gave grounds to a grief within the country, which became a sect ~ Al Qaeda

The third stanza is about how major corporations (think Halliburton) continuously lobby the government for money by seeding needs in the heads of politicians. In turn, the we con ourself into believing these lies, and kill and bleed ourselves.

The fourth stanza is about how our actions in the world stage give rise to feelings of disapproval, distrust, dislike in the world, "agitating hate". The next line needs work, but what i was going for is that these wars we sell ourselves on, create a prison we are trapped in, and a fate for the government (negative connotation)

Fifth stanza probably needs work, i was really referring to how we get bogged down in conflicts even when we don't want to be there anymore (Iraq, Vietnam).

Sixth stanza is a out how powerful our ability to engage our countries citizens to support a war they know nothing about, the machine we have to propagandize war is immense. Tool, here, is a euphemism for fool. And a page is meant as a progression of time.

Its all insane, hence the lettering down the side, there.

This ^^^ isnt a justification, just an explanation.


That was the thought, tectak.

You must use EFFECT and not AFFECT. AFFECT is the wrong word and both in the poem and in your explanatory perambulations you confuse by its use, as the reader does not know yet if your word skills are to be trusted. Lier, liar. How do we inspire those who lie to us? Do you mean "inspire"?
The subjects you say you cover are immensely complex and need clear analysis, one way or the other, to make salient points. This kind of puzzle procedure makes you look a dilettante and it is your fault. As I say until I am bored with myself, once you admit that your poem CAN be explained it begs a question...why didn't you so do IN the poem? I am still in catatonic shock trying to work out how a tool is a euphemism for a fool. Do you mean euphemism? In fact, do you mean tool?
Best and no hard feelings,
this poem is bigger than us both.
tectak

He just means slang, Tectak, not euphemism. Sometimes tool is substituted as slang for a foolish person or a person of low intellect.

I just wanted to clear that one small point at least.

Though I still am not clear about the way that it is used in this instance.

So. As long as we mean slang and not custard powder we are all up and running. Meh
Best,
tectak

[QDeathstar]

You must use EFFECT and not AFFECT. AFFECT is the wrong word and both in the poem and in your explanatory perambulations you confuse by its use, as the reader does not know yet if your word skills are to be trusted. Lier, liar. How do we inspire those who lie to us? Do you mean "inspire"?

I agree, I could never figure out "affect vs effect". We inspire liars by rewarding them with fame, political power, and fortune.

The subjects you say you cover are immensely complex and need clear analysis, one way or the other, to make salient points. This kind of puzzle procedure makes you look a dilettante and it is your fault. As I say until I am bored with myself, once you admit that your poem CAN be explained it begs a question...why didn't you so do IN the poem?

I generally agree with you. I only posted the explanation because too many people couldn't make any sense of the poem (authors fault), I was just trying to clarify it so that I could get better critique.

I am still in catatonic shock trying to work out how a tool is a euphemism for a fool. Do you mean euphemism? In fact, do you mean tool?
Best and no hard feelings,
this poem is bigger than us both.
tectak

Tool is a pretty common euphemism, or slang. I also like the duality of it, in that the tool is also a tool used by the war machine. Im not sure what the hang up is. I feel you're being silly on this point.


No hard feelings, i appreciate your comments. If you had of written "well, how about that" I wouldn't learn anything.




I like the idea someone had of putting political figures in front of each stanza, I might play with that.

[expiring_touch]

I actually liked it. I found it to be forced and aggressive in a sort of an un-excusing way, like you don't really care. And though I appreciate the explanation, I enjoyed the poem without it, because then I can pretend to understand what you mean, using my own historical/social/personal etc associations. Good job.

[tectak]

You must use EFFECT and not AFFECT. AFFECT is the wrong word and both in the poem and in your explanatory perambulations you confuse by its use, as the reader does not know yet if your word skills are to be trusted. Lier, liar. How do we inspire those who lie to us? Do you mean "inspire"?

I agree, I could never figure out "affect vs effect". We inspire liars by rewarding them with fame, political power, and fortune.

The subjects you say you cover are immensely complex and need clear analysis, one way or the other, to make salient points. This kind of puzzle procedure makes you look a dilettante and it is your fault. As I say until I am bored with myself, once you admit that your poem CAN be explained it begs a question...why didn't you so do IN the poem?

I generally agree with you. I only posted the explanation because too many people couldn't make any sense of the poem (authors fault), I was just trying to clarify it so that I could get better critique.

I am still in catatonic shock trying to work out how a tool is a euphemism for a fool. Do you mean euphemism? In fact, do you mean tool?
Best and no hard feelings,
this poem is bigger than us both.
tectak

Tool is a pretty common euphemism, or slang. I also like the duality of it, in that the tool is also a tool used by the war machine. Im not sure what the hang up is. I feel you're being silly on this point.


No hard feelings, i appreciate your comments. If you had of written "well, how about that" I wouldn't learn anything.




I like the idea someone had of putting political figures in front of each stanza, I might play with that.

No. "Tool" is not a euphemism for anything...not under any circumstances...neither is it "common" slang, and even if it were it is out of context in this piece, being isolated by its singularity. Furthermore, you do yourself no favour by defending the interchangeability of "euphemism" and "slang". They are entirely and defineably different. The use of the word "tool" is comedic and almost an endearing term for a harmless and gullible idiot. It fails on that point,too.
As you think I am being "silly" I wonder do you actually mean "pedantic" one being a euphemism, or common slang, for the other...not.
You see, it is not that you use the word incorrectly, but that you argue for its use past reason...and so you risk credibility. The reader loses confidence in your wordplay and for any serious poet that is a disaster. You cannot assign new meaning to words in a random fashion. By all means write a piece with the sole INTENT of playing with words...though it has been done before...but don't try to fool anyone by pretending you know what you are doing when your arguement implies that you patently do not. In fairness, I believe you DO know what you are doing but you are making up this defence as you go along. Turn a tool, a page...huh?
Best intentions
tectak

[QDeathstar]

Thanks again for your replies, tectak.

But when you read "turn a tool, a page", did you read that as "turn a screwdriver or similar device, a page"???


When I wrote that I truly did mean "tool" to be fool; and turn to dually mean "persuade to join the other side" and to advance in time as one does when reading a book turning its pages.



Eg.




Turn a tool, a page.



The war machine convinces fools that war is a good idea, another chapter of history is written


I am absolutely shocked that one could read that any other way. But they have.

There are many faults with the poem, but I just don't get this one.


I would also use the words silly and pedantic interchangeably, given this situation. Perhaps I should crack open the dictionary.


http://www.cliffsnotes.com/writing/gramm...euphemisms


As it turns out, tool is not a euphemism.