Posts: 24
Threads: 9
Joined: Oct 2013
Since I can only post here it's gunna keep going here..
Free verse.
~~~
This profile was made with menial intent
And mostly I come just usu'lly to vent
As a poet I try to find reason for writing,
Is it an expression of self or a craft to be honed?
There's pride in skill and pleasure in purgation
of the heart, mind, body and soul.
As a person I try to find a reason to be,
To find truth in matters where truth can't be found
To define the limits of my own sophistry
And find comfort in the confines subjectivity
You can only post here because you haven't given the five critiques in the workshops required to become a member. Give it a try. 
ella/mod
You have good ideas here. There's nothing wrong with what you're saying. The ideas and thoughts seem authentic, but the poem feels phony. The sentiment is important, so is the craft, but the craft here is weak. As weak as it is, it manages to suffocate the sentiment. Loosen it up some.
Posts: 2,602
Threads: 303
Joined: Feb 2017
(07-14-2014, 03:49 AM)Cyferz Wrote: Since I can only post here it's gunna keep going here..
Free verse.
~~~
This profile was made with menial intent
And mostly I come just usu'lly to vent
As a poet I try to find reason for writing,
Is it an expression of self or a craft to be honed?
There's pride in skill and pleasure in purgation
of the heart, mind, body and soul.
As a person I try to find a reason to be,
To find truth in matters where truth can't be found
To define the limits of my own sophistry
And find comfort in the confines subjectivity
You can only post here because you haven't given the five critiques in the workshops required to become a member. Give it a try. ella/mod
Hi,
Heed the words of ella but take rowen's words to heart. This piece has probably been overdone by others but you have introduced some specifics, the poetic endeavour and its relevance, which could be developed...the trouble is, far from being purgatively pleasurable...it is anally retentive. This is often the case once you introduce the "I" character...no one else gets a look in and who gives a damn about your internal cerebral machinations?
Rowens solution is a laxative...and I agree. Loosen it up a bit, drop the pretentious italics at the opener (to get one contraction in a line referencing your venting spontaneity is indicative of imminent birthing rather than excreting. The opener is inconclusive), avoid rhetorical questions ( Why am I?), be wary of incorrect word-use versus poetic licence. Correct word use wins everytime."And find comfort in the confines subjectivity". ...confine's? I have no idea.
You randomly capitalise lines with no regard to your OWN punctuation. This smacks of carelessness or incompetence....which is it?
Best and good effort. Now crit someone else's work. That is why we are here.
tectak
