Oculus
#1
TR,

This is not bad, I would drop the question in the first line and make it a statement.

"Beauty reside inside nothing;
A plane of naught."

Probably some punctuation would help.

I had some difficulty making the connection between the first and second stanzas, which was somewhat disruptive to the reading as I had to stop and restart several times.

The last line seems more or less redundant.

Welcome to the site,


Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#2
Hello, and welcome. Interesting read. I'll make some minor notes below.

(07-05-2014, 10:55 PM)TheRebirth Wrote:  How can beauty reside inside nothing ?
A plane of naught
Web me in , intertwined I find I'm caught I like "web" as a verb. Nice.
Souls peers through the clearest of lenses"Souls peer" or "Soul's
peers" - pick one.


Yet your window is empty

Emerald sprawled iris ricochets both the sun and moon Starting here the lack of punctuation really affects the poem.
And like a shark smells blood dilation follows through.
A bitter sweet view of empty allure

I ask one day will something look through the most well crafted of glassI think you could say this with half the words.
Fulfill your beauty through time ?
Or is there a void behind the glass
An empty hole inside?
I think you have some ideas here. I would start with punctuation. It is difficult to read without it, and it doesn't need to be. - Paul
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