The life

[Pyxx]

With hands held high,
we watched your life,
and believed:
that lie your eyes belied.

On grazed knees we picked you up,
those stilled moments crystallized.
We soothed your cuts,
by the son we were mesmerized.

Days forever burnished into my mind,
those memories gather momentum.
The past promises solace inside,
from the swing of times pendulum.

We should have known,
but never could have guessed,
that thing that had devoured you,
With the reapers touch you were blessed

We stood steadfastly by your side,
sucker punched into the fight.
With your guilt you were found and tried,
slit your wrists and make it right.

[Erthona]

In the first stanza are you meaning to say, we believed you to be good, even though there was evil/hate in your eyes. If so, it seems a fairly convoluted path to get there. Overall, it seems you are taking something that is fairly straightforward and making its meaning less clear. Such as:

"You were found guilty and tried"

A person would be tried before being found guilty.

And is this phrase an encouragement, or is the tense incorrect?

"slit your wrists and make it right."

Most of the other lines have similar problems. You seem to use many lines to say a little, instead of using a few lines to say a lot.

On the positive side, your rhyme scheme holds up well, and you use some interesting rhymes, such as momentum-pendulum.

Dale

[Pyxx]

In the first stanza are you meaning to say, we believed you to be good, even though there was evil/hate in your eyes. If so, it seems a fairly convoluted path to get there. Overall, it seems you are taking something that is fairly straightforward and making its meaning less clear. Such as:

"You were found guilty and tried"

A person would be tried before being found guilty.

And is this phrase an encouragement, or is the tense incorrect?

"slit your wrists and make it right."

Most of the other lines have similar problems. You seem to use many lines to say a little, instead of using a few lines to say a lot.

On the positive side, your rhyme scheme holds up well, and you use some interesting rhymes, such as momentum-pendulum.

Dale

"And is this phrase an encouragement, or is the tense incorrect?"

...oh, it's an encouragement ^-^