A Guilty Apology and a Guiltier Thanks

[Erthona]

HI Junia, welcome to the site.

"Who can act as all those things for another?" "ask"?

There is a saying among poets, which is mostly true I suppose, "that if you need to explain it, it has probably failed". I don't think this needs an explanation at the end, it clearly communicates what you say in your note. On the other hand this is overly long and tends to repeat itself. It could easily be cut down to half the size and not lose anything.

Best of luck,


Dale

[Cyferz]

Since you wrote in free verse I'm going to do an explication on your themes.

I emotionally abused my last boyfriend.
I know I did. I'm glad he is free now.
Free from me.

Establishes a first person perspective and an audience that is self-reflective of the voice. This is a poem about the speaker confronting her own demons and a journey of self-discovery.

It worries me that I was the one to end it.
He doesn't deserve that treatment again.
He always forgave and moved on,
Which can be a good trait,
But he allowed me to mistreat him that way.

Voice attempts to justify the break up, and her own abusive nature. This entire poem will be to justify her decision to end the relationship

To not be trusted,
be criticized and barraged,
day after day, nearly every day.
With insults, jealousy.

Self-deprication to ease the guilt

Plagued with my self-hate.
Constantly having his feelings questioned.
All because I didn't think I was good enough.
How could he care about me when I was a mere compilation of flaws?
How could he love me when all I did was worry?
How could anyone forgive me for the things I said?

More justification of your own decisions.

I can't forgive myself.
I feel the heartache every day, even now.
From how much I hurt him because I was hurting.
Someone I loved. Someone I cared about.
I mistreated him.
I abused him.
I'll never forget.
I'll never let it happen again.

The self-depricating justification becomes catharsis

I still remember when I realized that I was the problem.
I used him as a way to validate my existence.
He was why I lived, why I got out of bed.
I never should have dated while in that state of mind.
He gave me the support I needed when I couldn't get it anywhere else.
He was more than my crutch.
He was my spine,my skeleton, my heart.

The realization. The reason for previous self hatred

Too much for a sixteen-year-old boy to try to be.
He tried his hardest.
Who can act as all those things for another?
No one.
But I expected it.
And was constantly let down, as was inevitable.

Revisiting old themes. This verse is a bit awkward and a bit unneeded.

I needed to validate my own existence,
to be my own skeleton, spine and heart.
So I never hurt someone like that again.
So I could believe someone could love me.
So I could trust.
Trust that I'm worth love.
Trust that I'm worth something.
Trust that people could like being around me.
Trust that people could like me.

Self-reflection. Lessons learned. Be easy on yourself you are young too

I'm there.
I'm here now.
Never before have I been where I am now.
Having others to spot me rather than supporting me,
having them there to catch me if I fall,
Rather than keeping me from plummeting
I've grown.
I've matured.
I'm healthy.
Thank you for helping me grow.
Thank you for making me get help.

Congratulations you survived one of the hardest lessons it takes to becoming a person of good character



[quick background. This is to my ex boyfriend. We dated for two and a half years and then I broke up with him because things got really bad. I was depressed, had undiagnosed anxiety, OCD, ADD, the works. I took out all of my fears, depression, self-hate, everything on him and he stayed with me. Forgiving me everyday for the verbal, emotional, sometimes even borderline physical abuse. Then I broke up with him. We stayed broken up. My depression got worse. I became obsessed with him. I eventually talked to him about how crazy I was feeling. And he made me get help. Now, over a year later, we are friends. It's rough on me. Sometimes I feel myself losing it a little bit. But, I've been improving so much in the last year, it amazes me. So, this is a poem I wrote to him as an apology and a thank you.]

This is not needed ^

But for what it's worth I've been in similar situations