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Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013

Here's my preachy poem.
To I-ching, men are seen in gusts
In cuts of howling wind,
They flurry seeds to be recieved
With force in sweeping wings
Like printed lines we crack like snakes
That fork the moving sky
To activate and charge the earth
By chopping three-stacked lines
The sequence makes a system speak
and fits a poet well
Who challenged death renaming grass
In bowers by himself
In placid gusts at forest lawns
I wonder what will spark
The lifeless men beneath the ground
Who died upon a lark.
Posts: 1,827
Threads: 305
Joined: Dec 2016
B,
Well I know that "chopping three-stacked lines" is earth, but it has been far to long to make anything out of this. Take the first line
"To I-ching men are seen in gusts" substitute "learned" for "I-ching"
"To learned men are seen in gusts" I see no sense in that line, or something is bypassing me. To me this is so grammatically tortured I can make little of it. This is probably because I don't know of what you are speaking...maybe.
I am ☳ and bend like ☵, but your meaniing passes me by like unfelt ☴ !
|||¦¦¦
dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?
The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Posts: 1,325
Threads: 82
Joined: Sep 2013
Yeah, long time for me too, makes me want to dig one up, just to read.
Ditto on that first line, but I really like S2 and S3, particularly
"Who challenged death renaming grass
In bowers by himself"
It's beautiful.
Maybe I'd like the rest if I understood it, but the center of the poem really comes through.
(05-22-2014, 10:05 AM)Brownlie Wrote:
Here's my preachy poem. 
To I-ching men are seen in gusts
In cuts of howling wind
That flurry seeds to be recieved
With force in sweeping wings
Like printed lines we crack like snakes
That fork the moving sky
To activate and charge the earth
By chopping three-stacked lines
The sequence makes a system speak
and fits a poet well
Who challenged death renaming grass
In bowers by himself
In placid gusts at forest lawns
I wonder what will spark
The lifeless men beneath the ground
Who died upon a lark.
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips
Posts: 574
Threads: 80
Joined: May 2013
(05-22-2014, 11:06 AM)Erthona Wrote: B,
Well I know that "chopping three-stacked lines" is earth, but it has been far to long to make anything out of this. Take the first line
"To I-ching men are seen in gusts" substitute "learned" for "I-ching"
"To learned men are seen in gusts" I see no sense in that line, or something is bypassing me. To me this is so grammatically tortured I can make little of it. This is probably because I don't know of what you are speaking...maybe.
I am ☳ and bend like ☵, but your meaniing passes me by like unfelt ☴ !
|||¦¦¦
dale
The first line needs a comma. I hadn't thought to use the actual hexagrams in a poem that was a good idea.
(05-22-2014, 11:28 AM)ellajam Wrote: Yeah, long time for me too, makes me want to dig one up, just to read.
Ditto on that first line, but I really like S2 and S3, particularly
"Who challenged death renaming grass
In bowers by himself"
It's beautiful.
Maybe I'd like the rest if I understood it, but the center of the poem really comes through.
(05-22-2014, 10:05 AM)Brownlie Wrote:
Here's my preachy poem. 
To I-ching men are seen in gusts
In cuts of howling wind
That flurry seeds to be recieved
With force in sweeping wings
Like printed lines we crack like snakes
That fork the moving sky
To activate and charge the earth
By chopping three-stacked lines
The sequence makes a system speak
and fits a poet well
Who challenged death renaming grass
In bowers by himself
In placid gusts at forest lawns
I wonder what will spark
The lifeless men beneath the ground
Who died upon a lark.
Thanks for the compliment, I was going for that whole male creation mythos in the hexagram tables and trying to connect it to Whitman but parts of the poem were definitely haphazard.
Posts: 55
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Joined: Apr 2014
This is very heavy symbolism for a lightweight like me. Though I would attempt a guess as to my own misguided interpretation.
I see men of higher education and wealth informing the world, in no uncertain words, how and where some giant monument of all their worldly accomplishments should be built. At the cost of the working man's sweat and even their lives and , of course, the compassionate poet decrying the unjust systems that allows such unfairness to exist.
The Wildguessologist,
R T