Obscenity

[kindofahippy]

I said you don't want to know,
and yet you didn't listen.
I said that this is private,
you ignore me all the same.

I only wish you had knocked.

[billy]

you filthy bastard

[StandingAlone]

I like ghe emotion. Like i would let you in if you asked, instead of forcing in like a burglar

[Todd]

This would actually work a lot better for me if you made the title more specific. Call out the specific Obscenity.

Just a thought.

[kindofahippy]

thanks for the thoughts everyone, and

This would actually work a lot better for me if you made the title more specific. Call out the specific Obscenity.

Just a thought.

I'm allergic to sewer water

[ChristopherSea]

Hippy, It seems like a pensive piece. However, something sounds odd or illogical about the four lines. The first two:

I said you don't want to know,
and yet you didn't listen.

If they don't want to know, why would they listen? Therefore the 'yet', a contrasting conjunction is probably not the right choice. The two negatives don't/didn't are not helping with clarity. Do you mean:

You don't want to know,
because you don't listen

Regarding the lines:

I said that this is private,
you ignore me all the same.

If you say it's private, than why would you want them to know anything and then complain about being ignored. Are they ignoring your rights to privacy? We are left to guess what you mean.

Then they enter your private room (invade your privacy) anyway, without knocking. Are they now curious or just need access to the room? It's ambiguous to me.

From the last line, I got the impression someone walked in on you either moving your bowels or more than likely masturbating, which would could evoke obscenity for some. Regardless, it's rather an abstract piece that would fair better with some imagery to reveal more of your riddle.

I just saw this was in the for fun forum, with no critique required. So just ignore the critique if need be./Chris

[billy]

you mean something like

"havin' a wank"
or
"prying your cat's claws from my balls"?

This would actually work a lot better for me if you made the title more specific. Call out the specific Obscenity.

Just a thought.

[Todd]

you mean something like

"havin' a wank"
or
"prying your cat's claws from my balls"?

This would actually work a lot better for me if you made the title more specific. Call out the specific Obscenity.

Just a thought.

yep, that or a couple hundred other possibilities.

[billy]

i have to admit the world is the poets oyster with this one, how depraved could it be made