Posts: 54
Threads: 33
Joined: Feb 2010
I`m fighting against a battle
fighting like MLK did to stop slavery
fighting hard like Malcom x did
or feminism in hopes for equality
determined as rosa parks to finally be free
fearful yet bold
like soldiers in Iraq keeping strong for our country
the only difference between them and I is that
I`m fighting against a battle that I am losing
I am fighting to find myself
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
(07-31-2010, 03:46 AM)Loveblind Wrote: I`m fighting against a battle [i'm fighting a battle]
fighting like MLK did to stop slavery
fighting hard like Malcom x did [X]
or feminism in hopes for equality [or like the feminists in .......]
determined as rosa parks to finally be free [Rosa Parks]
fearful yet bold
like soldiers in Iraq keeping strong for our country
the only difference between them and I is that
I`m fighting against a battle that I am losing [I'm fighting a battle and I'm losing]
I am fighting to find myself [would I'm work better?]
good to see ya LB.
the end threw me a little, i wasn't expecting it.
it was a pleasant surprise
for me it needs a small edit on the enjambment.
determined as rosa parks
[Rosa Parks]
to finally be free
fearful yet bold
like soldiers in Iraq
keeping strong for our country
i really do like how show that sometimes the most important things in life
is ourselves.
as always LB, thanks for the read.
Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009
I like that you're getting bolder with your themes and ideas LB, and playing around with it more
The structural issues have pretty much been covered by the earlier critiques. What I would suggest is that since you are repeating the word "fighting" in the poem, maybe you can plstructure the poem in a way that highlights them more and thus makes the repetition look more forcefully deliberate.
Really think you have something here. Thanks for the read LB
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Posts: 110
Threads: 31
Joined: May 2010
think it's an excellent poem. powerpacked ending! wow!! you can win though, just don't get lost in someone else and there you'll be... I can really relate though. thanks
Bianca 
