Sure would appreciate a little (expedient) help

[fim]

Milo has made me keenly aware I am meter-challenged.

Could someone tell me if the meter works in this one ... and let me know where if it doesn't - I am particularly concerned about the first line in the last stanza. The subject matter and a calendar will reveal the necessity for the "expedient" in the subject line.

The Intention
fim 5/6/14

Distinct as any snowflake,
for no two are ever alike,
yet each possess a common bond -
an intention to share life

with those who might appreciate
their tenderness and care
even if nine months or so
was all that they could share.

We each occupied a body
of a woman that endured
the hardship of nine months or so
providing prenatal room & board

until their sacrifice concluded
with the trauma of our birth
and Life imposed its measure
of hardship, pain and mirth.

Then years and circumstances
ultimately defined
the nature of the relationship
between the mother and child.

Which is why today it might be appropriate
to consider long ago
and the intention that preceded
the life you’ve come to know.

[Erthona]

You should have roughly the same amount of syllables per line, just in the first stanza you varied from 6 to 8 syllables per line. That tells you this is not metered correctly. Read the following
meter


Dale

[tectak]

Milo has made me keenly aware I am meter-challenged.

Could someone tell me if the meter works in this one ... and let me know where if it doesn't - I am particularly concerned about the first line in the last stanza. The subject matter and a calendar will reveal the necessity for the "expedient" in the subject line.

The Intention
fim 5/6/14

Distinct as any snowflake,
for no two are ever alike,
yet each possess a common bond -
an intention to share life

with those who might appreciate
their tenderness and care
even if nine months or so
was all that they could share.

We each occupied a body
of a woman that endured
the hardship of nine months or so
providing prenatal room & board

until their sacrifice concluded
with the trauma of our birth
and Life imposed its measure
of hardship, pain and mirth.

Then years and circumstances
ultimately defined
the nature of the relationship
between the mother and child.

Which is why today it might be appropriate
to consider long ago
and the intention that preceded
the life you’ve come to know.

Distinct as any snowflake,
no two appear alike;
each a common bond they share,
intent to share a life

with those appreciative
of tenderness and care;
even if those nine short months
was all that they could share.


Each occupied her body,
the woman then endured
the hardship of those fecund days
providing board and food.


'Til sacrifice concluded
with trauma, blood and birth
and Life imposed its measure of
hardship, pain and mirth.


Then time and circumstances
in early bonding years,
a shackle forged, a link was formed
twixt' her and the child.

So now we should consider
those days from long ago;
intentions that preceded your
life you’ve come to know.
[/quote]
I have hopefully considered your plea for meter assistance
This is not perfect meter nor even perfect sense but it gives you the idea.
Best,
tectak




ou

[fim]

Milo has made me keenly aware I am meter-challenged.

Could someone tell me if the meter works in this one ... and let me know where if it doesn't - I am particularly concerned about the first line in the last stanza. The subject matter and a calendar will reveal the necessity for the "expedient" in the subject line.

The Intention
fim 5/6/14

Distinct as any snowflake,
for no two are ever alike,
yet each possess a common bond -
an intention to share life

with those who might appreciate
their tenderness and care
even if nine months or so
was all that they could share.

We each occupied a body
of a woman that endured
the hardship of nine months or so
providing prenatal room & board

until their sacrifice concluded
with the trauma of our birth
and Life imposed its measure
of hardship, pain and mirth.

Then years and circumstances
ultimately defined
the nature of the relationship
between the mother and child.

Which is why today it might be appropriate
to consider long ago
and the intention that preceded
the life you’ve come to know.

Distinct as any snowflake,
no two appear alike;
each a common bond they share,
intent to share a life

with those appreciative
of tenderness and care;
even if those nine short months
was all that they could share.


Each occupied her body,
the woman then endured
the hardship of those fecund days
providing board and food.


'Til sacrifice concluded
with trauma, blood and birth
and Life imposed its measure of
hardship, pain and mirth.


Then time and circumstances
in early bonding years,
a shackle forged, a link was formed
twixt' her and the child.

So now we should consider
those days from long ago;
intentions that preceded your
life you’ve come to know.

I have hopefully considered your plea for meter assistance
This is not perfect meter nor even perfect sense but it gives you the idea.
Best,
tectak




ou
[/quote]

tectak,
I really appreciate the helping hand.
Thank you!
fim

---

You should have roughly the same amount of syllables per line, just in the first stanza you varied from 6 to 8 syllables per line. That tells you this is not metered correctly. Read the following
meter


Dale

Dale,
Many thanks.
... lots to learn.
Cheers!
fim