To Die For
#1
(edit I Bedside Fungus)

I have had my share of fair-weather friends
but you were my first fair-weather lover.
Of course you said it was your pre-rog-a-tive
to change your mind, no matter the cost to me or anyone else.

Well the cost was exactly $19,634.23 plus 17 months of
grief, anger, and heartbreak while you tried to decide
to get “on the bus or off the bus”.
Like some foolish driver,
I waited and waited until the bus ran out of gas.
I've refueled now,
but you are no longer welcome to ride.
You don't have enough
money, charm or good looks
to buy your way back on;
you've been blacked-balled lady.
You’re at the end of the line
and out of luck with this bus company.
Your account is closed!

What's this I hear you say,
you've changed your mind…again?
You really do love me and you want me back.
You can't stand the pain of losing me.
You are in a-go-ny.

Listen babe, I've plumbed your depths
and they left the keel of my boat
stranded on a sandbar waiting for high tide.
I'm heading out for deeper water;
I'd rather risk drowning than
to crash my life upon the rocks
of a woman who thinks she is to die for.


–Erthona


©1998


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Original

.

I have, had my share of fair-weather friends,
but you were my first fair-weather lover.
Of course you said it was your pre-rog-a-tive,
to change your mind, no matter the cost to me or anyone else.

Well the cost was exactly $19,634.23 plus 17 months of
grief, anger, and heartbreak, while you tried to decide
to get on the bus or off the bus.
Like some foolish bus driver,
I waited and waited, until the bus ran out of gas.

I've refueled now,
but you are no longer welcome to ride.
You don't have enough
money, charm or good looks
to buy your way back on:
you've been blacked-balled lady.
You’re at the end of the line
and out of luck with this bus company.
You’re account is closed!

What's this I hear you say,
you've changed your mind…again!
You really do love me and you want me back.
You can't stand the pain of losing me.
You are in a-go-ny.

Listen babe, I've plumbed your deeps
and they left the keel of my boat
stranded on a sandbar waiting for high tide.
I'm heading out for the deep water,
I'd rather risk drowning than
to crash my life upon the rocks
of a woman who thinks she is to die for.


–Erthona


©1998
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
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#2
BF,

I've taken on nearly all of your suggestions (If I had money I would hire you as my editor). The one notable exception is

"get on the bus or off the bus" which is a paraphrased line from Tom Wolfe's book "The Electric Kool-aid Acid Test", and it has to do with the subtext, or second level of the poem.

I really do appreciate all your suggestion as it helps tighten the thing up, and also corrected an embarrassing typo.

Thanks again,

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply




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