Student

[71degrees]

She wants to study leisurely;
her body won’t let her

all other books are piled neatly
as log moss under her desk;
she’s pulling her hair—
strands wrapping around her index finger
over and over again like follicle ideas—

no laces in white soled shoes,
no socks on soft feet, her jeans
look like two legs squeezed
into hollow sycamore trees

the novel she is reading touches her hand
with color and intent as though flowers
are growing in a landscaped park
while a light rain turns her desktop
into a mirror

she is trying to learn something not named,
something random, something starting without
a sound and ending with the conversation
of others

[RSaba]

I like how it feels like the student is in the middle of a forest- or at least it did to me.
A few things that seemed odd: not sure about "follicle ideas" although I understood what you meant. "White-soled", just need that dash. Maybe a period after "her body won't let her."

That last stanza really brings the piece together... I enjoyed this a lot.

[Willpark]

I like the imagery a lot. This is a really great poem. I can only say that some of the lines felt a bit long to me in the second to last stanza, so maybe try to shorten the first and second line. But that's just me. Great poem.

[John Galt]

She wants to study leisurely;
her body won’t let her

all other books are piled neatly
as log moss under her desk;
she’s pulling her hair—
strands wrapping around her index finger
over and over again like follicle ideas—

no laces in white soled shoes,
no socks on soft feet, her jeans
look like two legs squeezed
into hollow sycamore trees

the novel she is reading touches her hand
with color and intent as though flowers
are growing in a landscaped park
while a light rain turns her desktop
into a mirror

she is trying to learn something not named,
something random, something starting without
a sound and ending with the conversation
of others

Hello 71degrees, I thought the poem may be about facing death, but I am not sure.

The run on from the first 2 lines could be smoother, and the word "study" does not quite get across that it is a "book" she is studying and therefore the continuity from those first 2 lines to the next verse dropped me out of the poem to try and glean the connection, I do find out later about the "book" but it could be made clearer at the beginning I think. The problem for me arises because the title coupled with "study" lends the thought that the "study" in line 1 is general.

"log moss" read odd to me, moss is moss, "moss on a log" is the usual way to put it. (at least for me). and the thought that "moss" "piles neatly" does not come across for me.

Some of the words could be cut from the last 3 lines of verse 2.

no laces in white soled shoes,
no socks on soft feet, her jeans
look like two legs squeezed
into hollow sycamore trees

I cannot quite grasp the significance of this verse, It is very descriptive and I assume that is for a good reason, Are you trying to tell us that the "student" is ill?.

The next verse strikes me in the same vein.

Hope some of this helps. JG

[71degrees]

I like how it feels like the student is in the middle of a forest- or at least it did to me.
A few things that seemed odd: not sure about "follicle ideas" although I understood what you meant. "White-soled", just need that dash. Maybe a period after "her body won't let her."

That last stanza really brings the piece together... I enjoyed this a lot.

"I like how it feels like the student is in the middle of a forest" Yes, thank you.

"not sure about "follicle ideas" Tried to play around w/"roots" originally. Ended up w/"follicle" Needs work.

Glad you enjoyed this. Thank you.

---

I like the imagery a lot. This is a really great poem. I can only say that some of the lines felt a bit long to me in the second to last stanza, so maybe try to shorten the first and second line. But that's just me. Great poem.

Short, but sweet critique. Thanks.

---

She wants to study leisurely;
her body won’t let her

all other books are piled neatly
as log moss under her desk;
she’s pulling her hair—
strands wrapping around her index finger
over and over again like follicle ideas—

no laces in white soled shoes,
no socks on soft feet, her jeans
look like two legs squeezed
into hollow sycamore trees

the novel she is reading touches her hand
with color and intent as though flowers
are growing in a landscaped park
while a light rain turns her desktop
into a mirror

she is trying to learn something not named,
something random, something starting without
a sound and ending with the conversation
of others

Hello 71degrees, I thought the poem may be about facing death, but I am not sure.

The run on from the first 2 lines could be smoother, and the word "study" does not quite get across that it is a "book" she is studying and therefore the continuity from those first 2 lines to the next verse dropped me out of the poem to try and glean the connection, I do find out later about the "book" but it could be made clearer at the beginning I think. The problem for me arises because the title coupled with "study" lends the thought that the "study" in line 1 is general.

"log moss" read odd to me, moss is moss, "moss on a log" is the usual way to put it. (at least for me). and the thought that "moss" "piles neatly" does not come across for me.

Some of the words could be cut from the last 3 lines of verse 2.

no laces in white soled shoes,
no socks on soft feet, her jeans
look like two legs squeezed
into hollow sycamore trees

I cannot quite grasp the significance of this verse, It is very descriptive and I assume that is for a good reason, Are you trying to tell us that the "student" is ill?.

The next verse strikes me in the same vein.

Hope some of this helps. JG

"Hope some of this helps" Yes, some of it does. Thanks.

Poem not nearly as dramatic as you are reading into it. It's not about death or a child being ill. I've been teaching over 30 years. She was just a student in front of me the other day. Kids were reading. I was watching her. Beautiful child. To me, just her being there was dramatic. Tried to image her as "still life." Something like that. The fact you are getting "very descriptive" out of this is wonderful news to me.

[ChristopherSea]

Hey 71, 'follicular ideas' might work and there would be double entendre with hair follicle and the role of uterine follicles in egg production (the follicular phase of the estrus cycle) , ergo 'the egg of an idea'. See what you think./Chris

[71degrees]

Hey 71, 'follicular ideas' might work and there would be double entendre with hair follicle and the role of uterine follicles in egg production (the follicular phase of the estrus cycle) , ergo 'the egg of an idea'. See what you think./Chris

I would not have thought of the word (or the connection) in a million years. Thank you for this thought.