Monthly Haiku

[painter not a poet]

achy crimson cramps
my vagina hates me now
womanhood is hard

This was just for fun? But as always critiques are welcome!

[Magpie]

achy crimson cramps
my vagina hates me now
womanhood is hard

This was just for fun? But as always critiques are welcome!

Hi, I won't be too serious with my critique seeing as though you said it was just for fun.
"Crimson" is too tame and polite and I would suggest making the first line as brutally honest and straightforward as the second one.
I'm guessing that you weren't going for a double-entendre in the last line but "wo- manhood is hard" sticks out like a errrmm "hard manhood".
It's not strictly a haiku, and I feel that because you stayed with the 5-7-5 format (which isn't really necessary in haiku) your poem suffered slightly, whereas if you had wrote a short poem on the same subject I feel that the freedom from the restrictions of 5-7-5 would help.
Ooopss, did I say I wouldn't be to serious with my critique, sorry if I've gone a bit too far.
As compensation here is an anagram I saw a while ago that is relevant to your post...
The menstrual cycle - My c*nt creates hell

Mark

[TheDoctorCam]

Don't judge me....it's been a long day, I am a man, and it's been a long day. But the title finally hit me haha. At first, I thought this was some series you have been doing but I get it now. I agree with Mark......with the frankness of the second line, crimson seems a bit too subtle. If your goal was to shock the reader a bit by the second line, then please get your time card and clock out because you did well haha. Nevertheless, a funny, whimsical haiku.

P.S. Being raised by a single mom and having three sisters, I have learned that there is nothing that chocolate cannot remedy.

Best,

Cameron

[ChristopherSea]

Hey, I am a watercolor painter and a poet too. Welcome You have some nice alliteration in that first line. I like the irony, humor and impact that second line had and how it turned about on yourself. Experimenting out of the 5-7-5 confines may be worthwhile. All the rave with the Haiku purists. For example you could strike the 'me' or 'now' or both. Good luck here. Poetry and painting are very complementary. All the best in your pursuit of them both./Chris

[painter not a poet]

achy crimson cramps
my vagina hates me now
womanhood is hard

This was just for fun? But as always critiques are welcome!

Hi, I won't be too serious with my critique seeing as though you said it was just for fun.
"Crimson" is too tame and polite and I would suggest making the first line as brutally honest and straightforward as the second one.
I'm guessing that you weren't going for a double-entendre in the last line but "wo- manhood is hard" sticks out like a errrmm "hard manhood".
It's not strictly a haiku, and I feel that because you stayed with the 5-7-5 format (which isn't really necessary in haiku) your poem suffered slightly, whereas if you had wrote a short poem on the same subject I feel that the freedom from the restrictions of 5-7-5 would help.
Ooopss, did I say I wouldn't be to serious with my critique, sorry if I've gone a bit too far.
As compensation here is an anagram I saw a while ago that is relevant to your post...
The menstrual cycle - My c*nt creates hell

Mark

Wow, Thank you guys for the critiques!

Mark, I think you are right about the 5-7-5 format, it was harder that it seems. I actually thought about, and start out with a short poem, but I felt it was too Vagina Monologue-esque. I don't think you were too serious, I don't take things hard. Thank you again! Glad you all enjoyed its humor.