Limerick #2

[kindofahippy]

When once your as poor as a dust bunny
And nothing in life seems so funny
Just look at the masses
With their higher taxes
And imagine them drowning in honey

[Mopkins]

When once your as poor as a dust bunny
And nothing in life seems so funny
Just look at the masses
With their higher taxes
And imagine them drowning in honey

that's better that the last one... try matching your meter in lines 1,2 & 5 - and matching the meter in lines 3&4 for a better rhythmical effect. Sing aloud what you've written to see if the meter is okay.

[tectak]

When once your as poor as a dust bunny
And nothing in life seems so funny
Just look at the masses
With their higher taxes
And imagine them drowning in honey

This is the last time
If you find you're poor as a dust bunny Needs heavy accentual imprinting to make this work...is it hitting you on the nose yet. Say "...poor as a dust bunny" and compare to "...just no longer funny. " Do you feel the need to say " poor AS a DUST bunny" to match with "just NO lonGER funny". By the by, what the hell is a dust bunny anyway.
and life is just no longer funny,
have a larf at the masses,
at least them wot pays taxes,
and imagine them drowning in honey.

I still don't get your joke (or mine), and a joke or neat twist is quintessential in all good limericks, but how funny is that?
Best,
tectak

[heslopian]

When once your "you're" as poor as a dust bunny Is "dust" needed?
And nothing in life seems so funny
Just look at the masses
With their higher taxes
And imagine them drowning in honey

This limerick has a bizarre, arbitrary last line, though it's amusing because of that. I really liked this limerick, overall Thank you for the read, and my critique is JMHO.

[Erthona]

Evidently "Dust-bunnies" are a purely American invention. It is in the dictionary.


dust bunny
noun
Slang. a loose, tangled ball of dust, lint, hair, etc., especially as found under a low piece of furniture.
Origin:
1965–70

Dale

[tectak]

Evidently "Dust-bunnies" are a purely American invention. It is in the dictionary.


dust bunny
noun
Slang. a loose, tangled ball of dust, lint, hair, etc., especially as found under a low piece of furniture.
Origin:
1965–70

Dale

....and are these hirsute american bundles of pathogenic prurience poor, or in any conceivable way capable of the possession of wealth, albeit kept under the bed?
tectak( in pursuit of knowledge)

[Erthona]

They're like fat men who can't reproduce,or make much chatter
in this case dust, lint, hair, and small particulate matter.
Importance is gauged in how many mites one can support.
until ones mass has diminished and they have to abort.
I know that this is not really in verse.
but I'm out of time now and I have to be terse.


dale