A Good Critic
#1
.

You comment on my commentaries,
storing each like a dromedary,
as water for a desert race.
You are penurious of praise;
avoiding the lie of my sand trap berm,
with recall like a pachyderm,
or an idiot savant, its click slash daunt.
Razing everything I vaunt,
giving nothing that I think I want,
still you do in the end mine gold!
Yet, it is so hard, ……so cold,
not a warm or soft accolade,
trimming fat with a razor’s blade,
“Yes,” reluctantly, this is what I need,
even if it causes me to bleed,
not one corpulent word will you concede.
Does this happen only with me,
or with others likewise do you contend,
creating scars that never mend?
Oh, ‘woe is me’, here we go again,
Is your way out, the same as in?


–Erthona
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply
#2
This is metrically . . . Painful.
Reply
#3
Well of course, look who the speaker is (plus it's not written in metrical verse), and the rhymes are slightly jarring also, don't you think?

dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply
#4
(04-10-2014, 12:08 PM)Erthona Wrote:  Well of course, look who the speaker is (plus it's not written in metrical verse), and the rhymes are slightly jarring also, don't you think?

dale

Yes. The diction too. But the meter is the most painful. I don't think I could read it twice.
Reply
#5
Well, at least I caused you pain. That's a nice little extra bonus. Smile

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply




Users browsing this thread:
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!