Nearer God's Heart ( in a garden)edit 0.001 erthona

[tectak]

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, all around your head.
Bella Donna, how you laid me in my flower bed.
Hibiscus trumpets, sounding plangent, rang inside my ears;
hedera helix coiled around entwining me 'til tears
of joy guttated, to wash away my sterile seedy past.
Violas played and red your tulips...around my organ at last.

Cally Bridge
2014

[Leanne]

Oh my! All you're missing is what was going on with your digitalis.

[Burlesque3Rogue]

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, all around your head.
Bella Donna, how you laid me in my flower bed.
Hibiscus trumpets sounding plangent, ringing in my ears;
hedera helix coiled around entwining me 'til tears
of joy guttated, to wash away my sterile seedy past.
Violas played and red your tulips...around my organ at last.

Cally Bridge
2014

I like this very much, the way you've used the flowers names creates a unique imagery.

Xx

[Erthona]

re: petals to the meddles

Those last two lines seemed a bit short,
but as long as it comes to a good end
I guess it's OK!


dale

[tectak]

Oh my! All you're missing is what was going on with your digitalis.

...fox gloved!

[tectak]

re: petals to the meddles

Those last two lines seemed a bit short,
but as long as it comes to a good end
I guess it's OK!
Is that better?
tectak

dale

[Erthona]

"guttated," is a little iffy to hang your metrical hat on as it looks like it is three syllables when it is only two (I'm assuming a diphthong), as my inline spell checker doesn't think is a word and my dictionary makes no ruling on the adjectival form. If I read this as purely accentual verse without regard to meter, then all the lines work out to seven feet per line, which I read as like ballad meter in accentual verse in which you combine two lines into one as it has the xaxa rhyme pattern if two lines, but is in couplets when in one line, but it all sort of washes out to the same thing.

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, (4)
all around your head. (3)
Bella Donna, how you laid me (4)
in my flower bed. (3)

So the last two line work OK in accentual. Another point for you is that the four foot line reads slowly because of the extra syllable, but the short lines read as straight iambic tetrameter, which causes them to speed up.

of joy guttated, to wash away (4)
my sterile seedy past. (3)
Violas played and red your tulips (4)
...around my organ at last. (3)


If reading it that way instead of reading it as metered, then yes, the last two lines come out OK. I also noticed that at times, or at least two time, the first 4 foot line would have eight syllables and the three foot line only five, which still gives the same effect. It seems similar to a lines Blake used in the songs, although I won't go track it down, and as Leanne can attest (should she care to revel that association), our good friend Graeme King who is now dead to us, used this type of combined lines very often to comedic effect. I don't know if I ever mentioned it Leanne, but somebody had plagiarized his poem about the tiny elephant on AP, they at least had enough class to remove it and ban the person who used it as their own, after I informed them of the transgression, or transgraemtion depending on your preference. Ug, AP. Still, thanks to abu (of course you may curse him) I now have this little slice of pig heaven to roll around in.

Dale

[tectak]

"guttated," is a little iffy to hang your metrical hat on as it looks like it is three syllables when it is only two (I'm assuming a diphthong), as my inline spell checker doesn't think is a word and my dictionary makes no ruling on the adjectival form. If I read this as purely accentual verse without regard to meter, then all the lines work out to seven feet per line, which I read as like ballad meter in accentual verse in which you combine two lines into one as it has the xaxa rhyme pattern if two lines, but is in couplets when in one line, but it all sort of washes out to the same thing.

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, (4)
all around your head. (3)
Bella Donna, how you laid me (4)
in my flower bed. (3)

So the last two line work OK in accentual. Another point for you is that the four foot line reads slowly because of the extra syllable, but the short lines read as straight iambic tetrameter, which causes them to speed up.

of joy guttated, to wash away (4)
my sterile seedy past. (3)
Violas played and red your tulips (4)
...around my organ at last. (3)


If reading it that way instead of reading it as metered, then yes, the last two lines come out OK. I also noticed that at times, or at least two time, the first 4 foot line would have eight syllables and the three foot line only five, which still gives the same effect. It seems similar to a lines Blake used in the songs, although I won't go track it down, and as Leanne can attest (should she care to revel that association), our good friend Graeme King who is now dead to us, used this type of combined lines very often to comedic effect. I don't know if I ever mentioned it Leanne, but somebody had plagiarized his poem about the tiny elephant on AP, they at least had enough class to remove it and ban the person who used it as their own, after I informed them of the transgression, or transgraemtion depending on your preference. Ug, AP. Still, thanks to abu (of course you may curse him) I now have this little slice of pig heaven to roll around in.

Dale

Deep gratitude, Dale. It WAS in fun but that is no reason to drop standards. Your breakdown has cleared my thinking and will help others, too. I worked hard for two lips around my organ so forgive the pun and enjoy the fun.
Best,
tectak

[Erthona]

Yes I like the joke although I had heard it before as:

What's better than roses on a piano?

Tulips on an organ!

"Your breakdown has cleared my thinking and will help others, too."

Well I don't know about that, but I feel as though I must defend the use of accentual verse to counterbalance all of the meter Nazis that are around, plus, besides the pun infest garden, I thought your use of the form was both solid and clever and needed to be exposed. In the end, meter may, and I say this conditionally, may be harder to write, but accentual is much harder to critique as it is much more than counting the syllables and then saying unstressed/stressed however many times.

Dale

[tectak]

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, all around your head.
Bella Donna, how you laid me in my flower bed.
Hibiscus trumpets sounding plangent, ringing in my ears;
hedera helix coiled around entwining me 'til tears
of joy guttated, to wash away my sterile seedy past.
Violas played and red your tulips...around my organ at last.

Cally Bridge
2014

I like this very much, the way you've used the flowers names creates a unique imagery.

Xx

Thanks burl.
I think DH Lawrence is with you.
Best,
tectak

[ChristopherSea]

You have me yearning for Spring. Only the crocuses are up here. Thanks for the tease./Chris

[tectak]

You have me yearning for Spring. Only the crocuses are up here. Thanks for the tease./Chris

Where is your up? We have been far NW Scotland. Spring last 10 days. Now at Otter urn . First rain we' e had. Pissing down in our up.
Best,
tectak

[ChristopherSea]

You have me yearning for Spring. Only the crocuses are up here. Thanks for the tease./Chris

Where is your up? We have been far NW Scotland. Spring last 10 days. Now at Otter urn . First rain we' e had. Pissing down in our up.
Best,
tectak

New England Coast, USA

[tectak]

"guttated," is a little iffy to hang your metrical hat on as it looks like it is three syllables when it is only two (I'm assuming a diphthong), as my inline spell checker doesn't think is a word and my dictionary makes no ruling on the adjectival form. If I read this as purely accentual verse without regard to meter, then all the lines work out to seven feet per line, which I read as like ballad meter in accentual verse in which you combine two lines into one as it has the xaxa rhyme pattern if two lines, but is in couplets when in one line, but it all sort of washes out to the same thing.

Daises bellis, pink perrenis, (4)
all around your head. (3)
Bella Donna, how you laid me (4)
in my flower bed. (3)

So the last two line work OK in accentual. Another point for you is that the four foot line reads slowly because of the extra syllable, but the short lines read as straight iambic tetrameter, which causes them to speed up.

of joy guttated, to wash away (4)
my sterile seedy past. (3)
Violas played and red your tulips (4)
...around my organ at last. (3)


If reading it that way instead of reading it as metered, then yes, the last two lines come out OK. I also noticed that at times, or at least two time, the first 4 foot line would have eight syllables and the three foot line only five, which still gives the same effect. It seems similar to a lines Blake used in the songs, although I won't go track it down, and as Leanne can attest (should she care to revel that association), our good friend Graeme King who is now dead to us, used this type of combined lines very often to comedic effect. I don't know if I ever mentioned it Leanne, but somebody had plagiarized his poem about the tiny elephant on AP, they at least had enough class to remove it and ban the person who used it as their own, after I informed them of the transgression, or transgraemtion depending on your preference. Ug, AP. Still, thanks to abu (of course you may curse him) I now have this little slice of pig heaven to roll around in.

Dale

Look up guttation and take it from there