My best poem > Coveting - Dreamverse 1

[Bianca Alabaster]

I thought there was a thread somewhere ~ where we posted what we thought was our best poem. I can't find it now...

Here's mine.

Coveting - Dreamverse 1

Coveting
Definition: To desire wrongfully,
inordinately, or without
due regard for the rights
of others.

OR

to wish for especially
eagerly


I am the beloved
thick fiction book
with yellowed
pages turned by
many fingers
over years and
years of time.
That everyone
has wanted,
cherished
and learned
from and
even reread.

I am that
wooden family
well-made
Amish rocking
chair that rocked
all the babies
by and by
to the lullabies.
Sung by the moms
and dads and grandmas.

I am that happy
dumb dog
that waits on
the porch
every day
for the love
of his master
who gets fed
and petted
and played with
and snuggled
each night.

I am the
cooling rain
on a hot humid
summer day
when the creek’s
run dry and there’s
no more lemonade.

I am the cold
muddy field
under the
beautiful white
swans, eating -
plucking the worms
getting covered
with dirt.
feeling their
warm bellies
and webbed feet
walking over me.

I am the gentle rain
creating a mist in the forest
tickling the dark green ferns
making their leaves shine
feeding their thirsty roots.

I am a coyote howling
at the full moon
laughing and barking,
wild and free
running with my pack
just across the river
where the humans
do not come.

©12/27/2009

[billy]

i'm afraid not Bianca.

a lot to like about this poem

specially the following verse;

I am that
wooden family
well-made
Amish rocking
chair that rocked
all the babies
by and by
to the lullabies.
Sung by the moms
and dads and grandmas.

what a great vinaigrette.

and also;

I am the cold
muddy field
under the
beautiful white
swans, eating -
plucking the worms
getting covered
with dirt.
feeling their
warm bellies
and webbed feet
walking over me.

another great image.
i love the originality of it. the belly in your mud

if i had one nit it's that i think the poem can stand alone without the definition intro's
but that's just a minor nit.

i really enjoyed the reading of it. the flow of it and the Amish rocking chair of it

thanks for the read Bianca

[Bianca Alabaster]

thanks

[addy]

The images you used are really delightful. No wonder you love this one so much.

My only comment would be that for me, the intro's theme (about the definition of coveting) seemed removed from the sense I got from the body of the poem... basically they seemed like they could be two different pieces for me. Both wonderful, but just different. Just IMO.

Thanks for posting this