Light Poetry

[George]

She doesn’t believe me –
my hands run corners and I
have no more ink.

Her dress chews on my fingers –
Eating away at my light poetry, or,
If not, light – itself.

Just trying to experiment with an abstract way of writing, tell me what you guys think :p

[Erthona]

I think it is light on something.

dale

[George]

I think it is light on something.

dale

I know, it's missing alot :p

I pretty much just took random words and pieced them together.

[Leanne]

I pretty much just took random words and pieced them together.

That's ok for a draft, but good abstract poetry (unless you're a Dadaist) then looks for common threads to build an idea. Actually, I think if you get rid of "my light poetry" and just go with ...

Her dress chews on my fingers –
Eating away at light
itself

... you'll have a stronger image already.