Elated

[WordJunky]

Ok, i know this ones got some problems..there is a lot of word fumbling..just can't edit my own writing over and over..any tips are appriciated..
Elated

Today, was unlike any of the others,
Steps knew no bounds,
Tunes intuitively sound,
High horseman stepped down,
For fate introduced two singles, too lovers
Elated

My First, a son, my child’s Mother,
First birthday, cheap clown
First stumble, first frown
First “Burger King” crown
A love which I smother
Elated

Unexpected, having not sought her
In bound, on bored, first ride into town,
Frustrations definition, now known, now found
“Happy Meals”, cheap toy, no crown,
My life with a daughter
Elated

Rhodes a little dustier now,
Rebellious and loud,
Opinions, ignorance, pot clouds,
What have I allowed?
What did I do wrong?
When? How?
Elated

Yet now a dustier road,
Money pits
Pests out of the house,
Peace, quite
Champagne and cheese for the house mannered mouse
Frequent, less frequent
Less phone calls too home,
Too this mouse friendly abode,
Elated

I miss the chaos,
I miss the wrestles I miss being “dad”
They have left,
But,
I want them home
Oh, Lord please, I want back what I had
Elated

Flesh underground
Soon heeding the Piper, soon heeding fate
Looking back at the bruises, the tears, those first frowns
Surprised by two miracles, first life, unbound, now bound
Hospice, now, sleep soon,
eternally sound,
Two of my kin in which I am proud
Those leading years in the clouds led up until now,
Two gifts of life, both out spoken aloud
Next stop the king, the one with the real “kings” crown
Life was perfect in the ups, and remained up in the downs,
At peace,
Passing on
With peace, a soul soon heavenly found
Goodbye to my Life, My kids, “take care of each other”
Elated

Horseman saddle down,
Life instantly rewound,
To a day like no other,
Goodbye to my lover
Goodbye to my children’s mother
Elated

[rowens]

When your mind bounces rhyme off rhyme, like ping pong in your head, and you have momentum: sometimes it feels right, but later it seems like you've overdone it, or that you wrote things that don't make a lot of sense, or things that could have been written better if you slowed down and considered other possibilities. There are lots of possibilities, some are good but have to be sacrificed for the poem as a whole, some aren't very good and hurt the poem as a whole, detracting from anything good that's in it.

Sometimes it works, and you can come out of a rush of words with something worth keeping. But even then, you should read over it again and again, balancing each word with the others. The meaning, the multiple meanings, the sounds, the tone, the rhythm, the rhythms. Balancing each stanza, in some way, with the others. Each word, each line, each sentence, each stanza.

[WordJunky]

Thank you again Rowens. You have been quite the help in your responses. I see my faults now, as far as "jumping the gun" goes. I am sort of an ADD when it comes to things, wanting to publish my first draft as soon as pen leaves paper.
I really enjoy writing but know nothing about placement and structure. Do you have any lings on something i can read that would give me a better grasp on those things?

Although having sought a reply to my "disorganized" mumbo jumbo, i already knew i was doing something wrong, I feel like i need a guide to look at when im writing or something.

Thank you soooo very much once again for your input, much appreciated.
very knowledgable!!!<-----Very bad speller

[zeke97]

This is a good piece because of the repetition of the key phrase Elated. It gives you a feeling of the good that is present in every day of your life. His kids are the thing that makes him happy. It has a good flow,and its rhymes could be approximate but they made sense. A good piece of advice from Rowans says, "balancing each word with the others. The meaning, the multiple meanings, the sounds, the tone, the rhythm, the rhythms. Balancing each stanza, in some way, with the others. Each word, each line, each sentence, each stanza," and it couldn't have been more accurate.

[WordJunky]

Thank you Zeke, your input is necessary for my growth as a writer and I commend you for your response. You sound like an introspective person, as I am. Thanks again for your input, it will be taken in to account.

[1skylande1]

I am pretty much a beginner so would you mind telling me which format did you use?