02-04-2014, 12:07 PM
When uncle Frank came back,
he said he’d been held
behind bamboo walls
while his body ate itself.
Edna gave him rice pudding,
it nearly killed her.
He gave away a bayonet
and a black-sashed HMS hat,
things like that scared him.
I hung them on my wall,
but they still shook
when a door slammed.
The chip shop round the corner
changed hands to Mr Yip,
so future fish suppers
were caught in the Volvo.
Edna complained
it was too far to drive,
so she cooked.
Frank liked a pint
on a Friday night with the lads
at the Labour club,
mellowed by sitting too long
in his chair, broken by
heart and panic attacks.
I was his taxi collecting at ten
so Edna could relax and meet
with her friends.
Then belching bitter,
he asked me to stop and went
inside Mr Yips for a nice piece of Cod.
He said he’d forgot why he was so angry
and that Mr Yip seemed a very nice man,
too young to even remember the war,
I called him a pillock and said “that’s his son”
and that was it, just like that,
Frank asked me could he have his hat back
and told me all about the black sash.
The original thread can be found here
he said he’d been held
behind bamboo walls
while his body ate itself.
Edna gave him rice pudding,
it nearly killed her.
He gave away a bayonet
and a black-sashed HMS hat,
things like that scared him.
I hung them on my wall,
but they still shook
when a door slammed.
The chip shop round the corner
changed hands to Mr Yip,
so future fish suppers
were caught in the Volvo.
Edna complained
it was too far to drive,
so she cooked.
Frank liked a pint
on a Friday night with the lads
at the Labour club,
mellowed by sitting too long
in his chair, broken by
heart and panic attacks.
I was his taxi collecting at ten
so Edna could relax and meet
with her friends.
Then belching bitter,
he asked me to stop and went
inside Mr Yips for a nice piece of Cod.
He said he’d forgot why he was so angry
and that Mr Yip seemed a very nice man,
too young to even remember the war,
I called him a pillock and said “that’s his son”
and that was it, just like that,
Frank asked me could he have his hat back
and told me all about the black sash.
The original thread can be found here
It could be worse
. it's because of how far this particular poet has improved with this particular piece. it is head and shoulders above the poetry he wrote when he first joined. i personally think this poem is the culmination of hard work and sticking with it re editing elsewhere on his earlier works. it's a shining example to all the newbs who hate taking feedback and critiques of what learning can give you. well done Keith.
and a big thank you to Leanne for thinking of this poem as suitable for this section of the site.
