Martians

[gilmored]

As I ride the milky way
moon dust in my hair.
Jupiter begins to sway,
and Martians start to stare.

They laugh and point their claw like hands
making fun of me,
but one thing they don't understand,
is that I can't see!

[rowens]

Why did you make those mistakes on purpose? Or are they really mistakes at all?

[gilmored]

I'm not sure lmao. Never payed attention in school. I just write what pops in my head, give it a quick edit and post it. Then after a couple weeks/months I go back an revise. Everything I've posted on here is new. My slab of rock, not yet roughly chiseled. I am no english student. Just a guy who can't get the rhymes out of his damned head.

[gilmored]

Did you read my previous comment? Not every poet is an english pro. I will eventually search for the ambiguous words. Like stair. Im sure this isn't right. You do know the words sound the same. There is also no question to which meaning it has. I will work on my issues, but I'd be eternally greatful if some of you took your noses out of the air. It is plain to see how this is a story from a blind persons imagination. Or at least it is to most people...

[billy]

i like it cos it's a bit silly and fun

[gilmored]

i like it cos it's a bit silly and fun

Thank you Billy. That was precisely what I was going for. That and how sometimes those of us who can't see, see the most spectacular things. Which is both a metaphor and not at the same time.

[trailertrash]

i like it cos it's a bit silly and fun

Thank you Billy. That was precisely what I was going for. That and how sometimes those of us who can't see, see the most spectacular things. Which is both a metaphor and not at the same time.

Ahem. I knew a blind poet in Hobe Sound, FL; he had an excellent command of the english language, esp spelling. To be blatantly honest, I say that if you can't spell or bother to edit your posts prior to posting, you should expect some backlash. I see no evidence of undue superciliousness. Why did you post, if not for feedback? Don't take the critiquing so personally, it doesn't pay off. This is an opportunity to grow - if you're unable to grasp that, perhaps you should give yourself more time. I've said all of this with the best of intentions. Ask yourself what you're looking for.

[Speaktaboo]

I love when I don't have to read into things x100...this was simple and fun. Good read

[gilmored]

i like it cos it's a bit silly and fun

Thank you Billy. That was precisely what I was going for. That and how sometimes those of us who can't see, see the most spectacular things. Which is both a metaphor and not at the same time.

Ahem. I knew a blind poet in Hobe Sound, FL; he had an excellent command of the english language, esp spelling. To be blatantly honest, I say that if you can't spell or bother to edit your posts prior to posting, you should expect some backlash. I see no evidence of undue superciliousness. Why did you post, if not for feedback? Don't take the critiquing so personally, it doesn't pay off. This is an opportunity to grow - if you're unable to grasp that, perhaps you should give yourself more time. I've said all of this with the best of intentions. Ask yourself what you're looking for.

First off, thanks for the time. Secondly, I never said blind people didn't "have command of the english language". I had said their imaginations were superior. I had used it as a metaphor, at the same time as the meaning of my poem. I agree people pointing out spelling errors was to be expected. I just wasn't expecting it to be in an " I'm so much better than you. humph" fashion as I can picture, !some not all!, of them staring down their noses at me, behind a desk, with hundreds of books piled to the rafters. For the other critics, I admit I can have issues accepting criticism. However, it doesn't take me long to see my faults. I am working on my grammatical issues, and have started to break the critiques down. Instead of taking them as a whole. Sincerely Dan

[ellajam]

My bold

Did you read my previous comment? Not every poet is an english pro. I will eventually search for the ambiguous words. Like stair. Im sure this isn't right. You do know the words sound the same. There is also no question to which meaning it has. I will work on my issues, but I'd be eternally greatful if some of you took your noses out of the air. It is plain to see how this is a story from a blind persons imagination. Or at least it is to most people...

A poem uses specific words for specific reasons, nuance of meaning or sound. The fun of it is to place the words in a specific way to piece your own puzzle effectively.

When a poet uses "stair" instead of "stare", an interested reader ponders what that might mean and does not take for granted that it is just a misspelling. It can become irritating when a poet keeps making the reader stop to follow a path that leads nowhere.

I hope I've said this in a way you can understand.

[ChristopherSea]

Change that title to "Martians" while you correct your spelling.

[trailertrash]

Change that title to "Martians" while you correct your spelling.

That's funny I don't care who you are - Larry the Cable Guy :-D

[oldstoner]

Like it! wtg