Far queuing

[Asyndetoff]

Here's a piece I wrote initially init deep. Kind of relevant as depicting stress and the fine line between metaphysics and actual knowing. I'm open to critique but knowing me and the fact I've moved on since might alter how I feel about an edit. Please do tell me what you think. I hope it's grammatical enough to merit response.[/b]

Nothing changes
Parallax confluence remain as
Tree murder,s reave ender verderers chasm hursed
I wrote A fonder verse allocating caterers. (-for the docs)
Bedrock Bermuda neuter of judas
Murmuring firm eared merman meridian
Directrix direct giddying monitor minions
Fervour morn ferials further boar burials
Agaric retch an aerial Torah gin (what did I say?) Lucy in the sky? Something...
Talus nailed in fetal areas like jail swim
Fugitive cellars Maced amazing talent
A custom chamber for that calibre
Tacidist enamour garrisons resiled
I scent malice inform of jealousy
In a crypt framing ex mon monarchy
Mon as in merrily orphaned numan
And the day you all work in... (Or, we're kin, like one day Mayan) hmmm ashes earn
I've survived more harm
Missed high fives and clashed forearms

Far queue all, I swim Nile by night time, minus nine degrees I'm still fine, I'm still here
Far queue all, I starve the lions, go Steven ininz, clear.. (You know, pronounced I n I like Rastas)

Another two verses I'd rather not post, coz I know for an absolute fact I'm being stalked. Daily no matter what. And I'm schizophrenic at least. Honestly I deserve remuneration. Not that a mod could sense it but they should know at least I know I am stalked on here by the likes of people who can and do often channel me for the current climatics.

Chastised knowledge of self??? Mine soul lolol dactyls

[billy]

is the title a play on fuck you?
no need really for the preface, we'll get it or we won't if we get it because of the preface then it's failed in communicating itself to us :J:
i stopped with the feedback as i was struggling to make sense of the thing. in truth it feels a little like one of the poems poetry engines churn out. sorry i couldn't be more helpful.

Here's a piece I wrote initially init deep. Kind of relevant as depicting stress and the fine line between metaphysics and actual knowing. I'm open to critique but knowing me and the fact I've moved on since might alter how I feel about an edit. Please do tell me what you think. I hope it's grammatical enough to merit response.[/b]

Nothing changes
Parallax confluence remain as a suggestion would be to swap this line with the first in order to remove the cliche [nothing changes] why not [as] on the next line?
Tree murder,s reave ender verderers chasm hursed i have no idea what this line is saying w3hich sort of screws up the poem for me
I wrote A fonder verse allocating caterers. (-for the docs)
Bedrock Bermuda neuter of judas
Murmuring firm eared merman meridian
Directrix direct giddying monitor minions
Fervour morn ferials further boar burials
Agaric retch an aerial Torah gin (what did I say?) Lucy in the sky? Something...
Talus nailed in fetal areas like jail swim
Fugitive cellars Maced amazing talent
A custom chamber for that calibre
Tacidist enamour garrisons resiled
I scent malice inform of jealousy
In a crypt framing ex mon monarchy
Mon as in merrily orphaned numan
And the day you all work in... (Or, we're kin, like one day Mayan) hmmm ashes earn
I've survived more harm
Missed high fives and clashed forearms

Far queue all, I swim Nile by night time, minus nine degrees I'm still fine, I'm still here
Far queue all, I starve the lions, go Steven ininz, clear.. (You know, pronounced I n I like Rastas)

Another two verses I'd rather not post, coz I know for an absolute fact I'm being stalked. Daily no matter what. And I'm schizophrenic at least. Honestly I deserve remuneration. Not that a mod could sense it but they should know at least I know I am stalked on here by the likes of people who can and do often channel me for the current climatics.

Chastised knowledge of self??? Mine soul lolol dactyls

[Asyndetoff]

[quote='billy' pid='153539' dateline='1390546693']
is the title a play on fuck you?
no need really for the preface, we'll get it or we won't if we get it because of the preface then it's failed in communicating itself to us :J:
i stopped with the feedback as i was struggling to make sense of the thing. in truth it feels a little like one of the poems poetry engines churn out. sorry i couldn't be more helpful.

[quote='Asyndetoff' pid='153537' dateline='1390543086']
Here's a piece I wrote initially init deep. Kind of relevant as depicting stress and the fine line between metaphysics and actual knowing. I'm open to critique but knowing me and the fact I've moved on since might alter how I feel about an edit. Please do tell me what you think. I hope it's grammatical enough to merit response.[/b] I should be more careful not to involve oxymoronic contradiction within lines I either misspell for that purpose or pointlessly.

Nothing changes
Parallax confluence remain as a suggestion would be to swap this line with the first in order to remove the cliche [nothing changes] why not [as] on the next line?
Tree murder,s reave ender verderers chasm hursed i have no idea what this line is saying w3hich sort of screws up the poem for me


Well I know a lot of trees get seized from parks and larger native areas in order for drug production, I used chasm as describing the latent period before profit, and hursed is just a repeat of the concept at the beginning with tree murder. Maybe not very grammatical, but its something I aim to achieve. I was taught to make sense in a perplexing way. I should be more careful not to involve oxymoronic contradiction within lines I either misspell for that purpose or pointlessly also.

Yes it was meant to be a play on words but primarily I'd like it to be read as far queue. I wrote it in quite an unhospitable quadratic environment.

[billy]

i can relate to that :J: