Bypass
#1
.

I had a dream about a religious man,
or rather a man who considered himself religious
(less than a cunt hair separates the two types I suppose),
and in the dream he was shielding himself
as he was pissing bright yellow piss into the bathtub
(Too religious to ask such a question as to where the bathroom might be
since that implies touching his cock and sending out a stream of yellow urine).
Anyway, I realized I knew the guy,
so I told him I knew where the bathroom was.
It was the kind that had a toilet and nothing else (no sink, shower…)
sitting at the end of a long hall without a door.
So I told him to use it and I would act to block
anyone who might pass by.
After a bit he whispered to me
that there was not any toilet paper
so I asked someone who was passing by to get me some.
There were plenty of people there
because the old woman who lived there was dying,
and the man I helped was there to pray “over her”.
Later, I couldn’t help thinking as he was mumbling his inanities
(because what else can you say to someone who is dying?)
that there had been no sink for him to wash his hands
and that must have left at least trace elements of piss and feces,
and especially as they held each other hands,
and at the end of the mumbling she kissed his.
Oh well I figure from the earth we come and to the earth we return,
she was just getting a head start,
and I guess the religious man thought the ritual was
too important to ruin it by telling her he had piss and shit on his hands…
I guess I’ll never know as he failed to acknowledged me
as he quickly left the house.

—Erthona
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply
#2
Hey, Dale, thanks for posting this, I'm really enjoying the read, nice spotlight on religiosity and how people view themselves as opposed to how they act. Here are a few thoughts.

(01-22-2014, 12:35 AM)Erthona Wrote:  .

I had a dream about a religious man,
or rather a man who considered himself religious
(less than a cunt hair separates the two types I suppose), Effective opening, something to think about and a grin.
and in the dream he was shielding himself
as he was pissing bright yellow piss into the bathtub
(Too religious to ask such a question as to where the bathroom might be since that implies touching his cock and sending out a stream of yellow urine). Is the capital T correct here?
Anyway, I realized I knew the guy,
so I told him I knew where the bathroom was. I wanted toilet instead of bathroom, but I realize that messes with your next line.
It was the kind that had a toilet and nothing else (no sink, shower…)
sitting at the end of a long hall without a door.
So I told him to use it and I would act to block
anyone who might pass by.
After a bit he whispered to me A break on whispered might be nice.
that there was not any toilet paper
so I asked someone who was passing by to get me some.
There were plenty of people there
because the old woman who lived there was dying,
and the man I helped was there to pray “over her”.
Later, I couldn’t help thinking as he was mumbling his inanities
(because what else can you say to someone who is dying?)
that there had been no sink for him to wash his hands
and that must have left at least trace elements of piss and feces,
and especially as they held each other hands,
and at the end of the mumbling she kissed his.
Oh well I figure from the earth we come and to the earth we return,
she was just getting a head start,
and I guess the religious man thought the ritual was I don't understand the break on "was"
too important to ruin it by telling her he had piss and shit on his hands…
I guess I’ll never know as he failed to acknowledged me
as he quickly left the house.

—Erthona

Just a little nitpicking, really. At first I really liked "(because what else can you say to someone who is dying?) " but the more I think about it the more I think there might be something OK to say, like "Go ahead, it's ok" or for the more religious, "It's been fun, see you later". I'm not saying this warrants a change, just something your poem made me think about. Thanks
billy wrote:welcome to the site. make it your own, wear it like a well loved slipper and wear it out. ella pleads:please click forum titles for posting guidelines, important threads. New poet? Try Poetic DevicesandWard's Tips

Reply
#3
Marcella, BF,

Thanks for the comments, will make corrections.

This really was a dream and I wrote as soon as I woke up with little editing. Thanks again for the comments.

Dale
How long after picking up the brush, the first masterpiece?

The goal is not to obfuscate that which is clear, but make clear that which isn't.
Reply




Users browsing this thread: 1 Guest(s)
Do NOT follow this link or you will be banned from the site!