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The sky started as
a hint of pink
in my side mirror
then the lighter blue
came to embellish
the pink hue
expanding
the clouds picked
up the colors
which began
to have a dash
of orange and
a spray of yellow
oh the orange
grew a deep fire
warming my soul
and making the woods
look ablaze with heat
the mountains
though cold in the
distance were proud
to be a backdrop
for her Majesty
Queen Sunrise
And the grassy
puddle in the
field was honored
to give a small
reflected portrait
of her to the world
even though he's
her footstool.
© 2/01/2010
Bianca 
Posts: 43
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Joined: Jun 2010
I adore the image in your final stanza, and I honestly like the progressive description of a sunrise. You could afford to knock a few words out to tighten the imagery.
e.g.
the clouds picked
up more colors:
a dash
of orange
a spray
of yellow
Otherwise, you did very well.
Posts: 5,057
Threads: 1,075
Joined: Dec 2009
my partner would love this. (she's into sunrises and sunsets
)
for me it all works well.(apart from) maybe lose the first and in the last stanza.
and a little enjambment prob in the third.
the mountains
though cold in the
distance were proud here feels a little jarry
to be a backdrop
for her Majesty
Queen Sunrise
would
in the distance
the mountains
though cold
were proud
to be a backdrop
for her Majesty
Queen Sunrise
i enjoyed the imagery of a delightfully colourful poem
thanks for the read as always bianca.
Posts: 110
Threads: 31
Joined: May 2010
Oh, great suggestions people, I really do love them. they make the poem better. thanks
I will edit it tmrw. thanks
Bianca
Posts: 805
Threads: 374
Joined: Dec 2009
Wonderful piece. The only thing I noticed was that at the beginning, you mentioned that you were watching the sky from your side mirror, implying you were watching from inside your car. But that detail became a bit superfluous by the end, when you mentioned noticing th grassy puddle in the field, implying you were standing outside (unless I misunderstood and it's actually a big puddle
)
Anyway, very nice. The bit about the mountains and the puddle were my fave
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
Posts: 110
Threads: 31
Joined: May 2010
I was still in my car. you are very intuitive!!! I had to keep watching, the sunrise was behind me (in the mirror at first), I pulled into the parking lot to the left- it got brighter so I drove around back then to the other side of the building and saw the puddle. Poet's rights and of course, was 2 minutes late for work. who cares !!!!
Bianca
