Poem #4

[oxomiya]

It is alive.
Not in the womb
But in our hearts.

A cry before the cry
We hear.
Love it is.

[DonMar]

There's much to be said for brevity.

The more I read these brief lines, the more the images expand in my imagination. Interesting.

Donna

It is alive.
Not in the womb
But in our hearts.

A cry before the cry
We hear.
Love it is. I'd suggest reversing this line for a more natural sound: 'It is love'.

[cheyrn]

I agree with "it is love", instead of "love it is". It's not confusing, but I notice capital letters in place where it is not the start. If you like that, then I have nothing to suggest, otherwise I would not capitalize the start of every line.

I like that I think of either before birth, after birth or after death. Also, when it is not entirely clear what to imagine, I get pleasure out of thinking of different meanings.

[oxomiya]

Thanks a lot Donna and cheyrn.
I might go ahead and make that change to the last line.

Sam

[Zainabk]

I enjoyed reading your poem. Short, sweet and to the point. Are you missing punctuation or did you plan the poem this way?

[Humbert]

I also think the last line should be "It is love". I think maybe a colon or semicolon on S2L2 might create an even more powerful effect for the last line as well. Great poem

[LickinLyrics]

I wish there were a simple word for a baby in the womb, whether it be boy or girl, instead of using "it" which can many different things depending on the context. Nothing wrong with the poem, but there needs to be made word for that!

[California]

Referring to previous comment: we say "children are the flowers of life", if you want to replace "it" you can try "flower", "sprout", "bud"

[Erthona]

If one needs to remove "it", then do so. no replacement necessary.

"Alive.
Not in the womb
but in our hearts."

Not that oxomiya has said they do. It is however, a solution to a non-problem

Best,

Dale