The Nighttime Swells

[alatos]

Edit #1:

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light calls silently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty air. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint but strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of diesel valves, the engine’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.
Where else, beneath such stars, could I belong?
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the onyx swells, the current, and the breeze?


I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light sings patiently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty breeze. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint yet strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of engine gears, the diesel’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.
Where else, on this wide earth, could I belong?
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the nighttime swells, to put my soul at ease?

[rowens]

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light sings patiently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.


It gets better with what follows.

I breathe and smell the empty breeze. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint yet strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of engine gears, the diesel’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.

Maybe just sea, though it takes the s sound off the rhyme. This might be one of those circumstances where you can say endless seas; but whatever you want, you could find a more original image. A faint yet strong reminder isn't very strong either.

Where else, on this wide earth, could I belong?

On this wide earth is another thing that might not work as well as something else. What? I don't know. But you could come up with something that stands out better, sounds better, a better image at this point in the poem.

What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the nighttime swells, to put my soul at ease?

put? Maybe find a stronger word for the last line.

[beaufort]

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light sings patiently to come the buoy's light reminds me of a siren - sings "seductively"? maybe something other than patiently
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty breeze. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint yet strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of engine gears, the diesel’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas. the "wandering" seas? the "ancient" seas? the "restless" seas?
Where else, on this wide earth, could I belong? I might leave out "wide"
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the nighttime swells, to put my soul at ease? swells, "my wandering soul to ease"? swells, "to place my soul at ease"?

I am a big fan of this - I like the lilting meter and the love of the sea that is conveyed. I'm not keen on "faint yet strong", but I know what you mean and I can't think of a suggestion. These are just thoughts, best.

[ChessPiece]

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light sings patiently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty breeze. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint yet strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of engine gears, the diesel’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.
Where else, on this wide earth, could I belong?
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the nighttime swells, to put my soul at ease?

Excellent little poem! I'm a sucker for any poem that relates to the sea, the ocean, lakes...hell maybe even a pond. This flows really well and I can definitely smell the diesel! Have to agree with the previous posts about the wide earth...imo just earth should do it.

[alatos]

Edit #1:

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light calls silently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty air. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint but strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of diesel valves, the engine’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.
Where else, beneath such stars, could I belong?
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the onyx swells, the current, and the breeze?

[TonyKuKo]

I watch the little harbor disappear
and motor on to meet the midnight waves.
I turn to contemplate the black frontier:
how many lie, lured gladly to their graves?
The buoy’s light sings patiently to come
beyond the jetty’s shore of rocky caves.
I breathe and smell the empty breeze. Bay Rum
still lingers on my clothes, a faint yet strong
reminder of my bed, and sleep. The strum
of engine gears, the diesel’s drum, a song
of leaving home to join the endless seas.
Where else, on this wide earth, could I belong?
What better friends, what stronger ties than these,
the nighttime swells, to put my soul at ease?

I liked it,
I felt identified with. I'm also trying to escape from a undeserved moment