Untitled

[Anokk]

Artist: sebmaestro



In the trees of harmony the shadows show the light. Truth crumbles and all that is left is blistering lies, and flashes of painful sorrow as Eden burns and the ashes are packed with salt from the sea. What is this Eden, you may ask yourself, It is the darkest reaches parts of my mind. The darkness is so loud that it can not be ignored. It screams like the child with the different mind surrounded by evil classmates. poking and prodding him to suicide, when all he wanted was one person to stand next to him. all he needed was a friend to ease the suffering. How can something so loud be so dark? I'm told its a sickness, something that is different from others. sometimes its visible as brief moments of poorly crafted creativity, other times jumbled glimpses of bloody hand prints around a neck. It matters only which side of the veil you stand.

[rowens]

You go through and fix the grammar errors and it can be read better. That's important for something like this. It seems simple but isn't. With errors it just seems simple.

[Anokk]

Not really sure where the errors are.....

[tigrflye]

In the trees of harmony comma here the shadows show the light. Truth crumbles(comma) and all that is left is blistering lies (no comma), and flashes of painful sorrow as Eden burns and the ashes are packed with salt from the sea. What is this Eden, you may ask yourself, maybe.. "What is Eden?", you may ask yourself.It is the darkest reaches partseither reaches or parts not both of my mind. The darkness is so loud that it can not be ignored. It screams like the child with the different mind surrounded by evil classmates.They poke and prod him to suicide, poking and prodding him to suicide, when all he wanted was one person to stand next to him. Allall he needed was a friend to ease the suffering. How can something so loud be so dark? I'm told it's its a sickness, something that is different from others.Sometimes it's sometimes its visible as brief moments of poorly crafted creativity, other times jumbled glimpses of bloody hand prints around a neck. It matters only which side of the veil you stand.

Hope it is helpful. Some errors I see. - Jenn

[Nick]

Not really sure where the errors are.....

I suggest you leave your original and post a revision using tigrflye/Jenn's comments.

I know what you are wanting to show with the piece. After you adjust the presentation it can be (the message) refined to a clearer state.

[Anokk]

Not really sure where the errors are.....

I suggest you leave your original and post a revision using tigrflye/Jenn's comments.

I know what you are wanting to show with the piece. After you adjust the presentation it can be (the message) refined to a clearer state.

I was looking at this picture one night. and after going to sleep i had the strangest dream. i awoke from said dream and wrote this. ill adjust it and hopefully it will be more liked