'Together' what do you think?

[kentucky-kid]

Hands holding on each other
We shall stay together forever
Hearts beating in unison
We can create our own visions

Guilty of stealing your heart
Let us never be apart
I had committed a crime
By making your heart mine

Shall we dance together
Or shall we hug each other
A tender loving kiss
Just like a shadow in the mist

Living together until our hairs are white

Shall we do that all over again
If time and fate permits

I would say yes ,my dear

[billy]

it's sweet. is that what you intended?

a lot of the poem is a bit redundant
because it gives the same image.

i think love poetry is great but i think it should have some images and lack
the well worn cliches. use it as the basis and edit edit edit. if you want to do the best poem you can do you must edit, a poem under these circumstances is never finished. if it's just for a loved one it's fine. the intent of writing it makes it special in it's own right.

[kentucky-kid]

meh, just some random thoughts tbh. but there's already way too much love poetry compared to normal casual ones. the more you edit, the more you'll need to edit, edit and edit.

[billy]

all my poems still get an edit if i put them anywhere.
editing is a great way to learn the mechanics.

love poetry has it's place along with the angst poetry.
it just needs to be fresh, original.

a god way to do the "Meh just random thoughts poems"
is to put yourself in the position you write about and convey the image.
a bit like a character actor preparing for a role.
thing is you should never give up. treat every neg comment like you would ever positive one. ignore the ones you don't want and use the ones you think work.

imagine me tring to learn english.

i enter an english help forum and type;
hsa hlj kjjpup.
mmm need some work on the spelling mr marsland and the syntax. try and make it a bit more legible.

i respond...meh it was just some thoughts i had about writing.

it could just as easily have been a code teaching forum

i am so desperate to get a good poet or critiquer on the site (one isn't necessarily good at the other) so they can tell me where i can improve. if you want to improve that is . even someone who doesn't write poetry can help me improve if they tell what works well and what doesn't etc.

stick with it kk.

paul valery wrote; A poem is never finished, only abandoned.

Alfred de Musset wrote; Each memorable verse of a true poet has two or three times the written content.