[The Futility of Lamentation]

[HalfOpenArms]

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck in my house this morning
for longer than usual

(unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.

Still, they weep and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.

It strikes me that I'm naive as them
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.)

[ellajam]

Hi, HOA, I like this, though the more I read it the more holes open up.

I found myself wondering who would fit into the category of "never truly departed". At first it was fun and I liked the ambiguity, now I'm not so sure.

I could hear the dogs, but then I wondered if they indeed knew you were there and were just asking to be released.

Mostly though I wonder about the parentheses, so far apart. They leave your opening alone and I'm finding the first three lines your weakest.

Just a few thoughts.

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck in my house this morning
for longer than usual

(unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.

Still, they weep and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.

It strikes me that I'm as naive as them
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.)

[rowens]

There might be something happening, but I don't see it. A generic go through-cut could go:



Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck at home this morning

unbeknownst to the dogs
locked in the basement.

They weep and howl,
bemoaning their loneliness.

It strikes me as naive:
to lament the absence
of those still here.



It changed your tone and your meaning. But I liked it enough to play with it. Hopefully you got something better.

[trailertrash]

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck in my house this morning
for longer than usual

(unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.

Still, they weep and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.

It strikes me that I'm naive as them
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.)

It is a bit weak, but nothing some revision won't clean up. Too much like a conversation. 'Due to the harsh weather' is vague, you could spice it up with something more descriptive: blizzard? tornado? tsunami? (jk), what's going on out there? 'stuck in my house' could become 'stuck inside'. In reference to the canines weeping, I'm not buying it - whine, maybe, but not 'weep'. rowens gave a valid example of what is possible. Not that you should change your meaning, but express it more cleanly. I truly like what you're trying to say. Onward and upward.

[milo]

Hello

This is actually mostly quite excellent, one of the best poems I have read here in a while.

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck in my house this morning
for longer than usual

(unbeknownst to the dogs,
who are locked up in the basement.

Still, they weep and howl,
bemoaning their aloneness.

I would look for a different word than aloneness. Maybe "abandonment but I am not sure

It strikes me that I'm naive as them
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.)

I would also eliminate the parenthesis entirely, they are not necessary. It is nice how you have alluded to a recent death and mourning without ever mentioning. All of your line breaks are fine except "them".

You have communicated quite a bit of information without ever saying it. i know your narrator feels trapped, generally leaves the house in the morning, has multiple pets but no spouse or children and had a recent death in the family that they are having trouble dealing with.

Nice job!

[HalfOpenArms]

Just a quick edit to try out your suggestions, let me know what you think:

[The Futility of Lamentation]

Due to the harsh weather,
I'm stuck inside this morning
for longer than usual,

unbeknownst to the dogs
locked up in the basement.

Still, they whine and howl,
bemoaning their loneliness.

It strikes me that I, too, am naive
to lament the absence
of those who never truly departed.

I toyed with "and bemoan that they're alone," but that felt contrived and sing-songy to me. What do you think?

Thanks, everyone, for the helpful crit and kind words!