Underneath

[killthepoet]

You wear the greatest of 
Disguises

To the congregation 

You appear the lamb

Laying upon the stone alter

A symbol of sacrifice.


But you are the priest

With a cold blade

In your hand

"For with this you shall be healed" you say

Why must I repent?

How hath I sinned?


Let the blood drip at your feet

Remove your robes

And allow them to see

The heartless reaper 

Underneath

[cidermaid]

Hi,
There is a lot to like in here in terms of story and imagery. But I feel the poem is let down by the lack of attention to detail, specifically with the issue of punctuation. You need to help your readers to read this as it sounds in your mind. Try reading it out loud to yourself and listen for the natural pauses that you give it and punctuate accordingly.
I will offer some of my thoughts and place some punctuation as I read it.

Before i do this i wanted to make a comment about your lack of any substantial feedback for other poets. You will find that if you do not make an effort to join in with the spirit of the site, the other poets will be less inclined to give you thier time and efforts to help you with your poetry.
If you are finding it hard to give in depth critique I would recommend some of the threads at the top of each board which give some excellent advise and also to be found in the discussion boards.
This is a polite caution to try and help you along your journey.

You wear the greatest of 
Disguises
 I would contract this down (take out the "the" and contract to great and then a period at the end of the line. Will make your opening line sharper.
To the congregation 

You appear the lamb
 no need to capitalise the start of each line (unless preceeded by a period). Period at the end of here.
Laying upon the stone alter
 * Spelling -Altar. Commar after altar.
A symbol of sacrifice.


But you are the priest
 commar here
With a cold blade

In your hand
 period here
"For with this you shall be healed" you say
 not sure you need the "you say"
Why must I repent?

How hath I sinned?
 try to avoid using old English (or any old language like this in a modern poem. It is disruptive and not needed. Have will work better here.

Let the blood drip at your feet
 commar here
Remove your robes

And allow them to see

The heartless reaper 

Underneath period here

I love the last stanza. It is your strongest part of the poem and the build to it is a good set up of images and emotions.

A nice write. You obviously have some credible ability - Here is my challenge to you :- think about taking your writing to the next level and go for an edit and see where this takes you. Think about engaging with giving and taking feedback for constructive improvment - it's addictive and a year ago i did not have the skills to read and write poetry as I do now, which I attribute to giving and taking feedback.

[Viktor Vaughn]

You wear the greatest of 
Disguises
 I'm not sure if the affect of capitalising 'disguises' is fully appreciated. I don't know if it's fully needed
To the congregation 

You appear the lamb

Laying upon the stone alter

A symbol of sacrifice.
 I don't quite like the way this line reads in conjunction with the previous. I'm not sure if it's the wording itself, or if there could be more to develop this line, but it seems a bit empty

But you are the priest

With a cold blade
 cold is a good word, it gives the right image
In your hand

"For with this you shall be healed" you say

Why must I repent?

How hath I sinned?
 Worthy questions, but they lack impact because they lack image.

Let the blood drip at your feet

Remove your robes

And allow them to see why? Illustrate more

The heartless reaper 

Underneath

Not a bad poem, but there isn't much there. It's a lot of statements without much image or picture to back those statements up. As such, it doesn't really stand out, although it has the potential to.

[tectak]

You wear the greatest of 
Disguises Period. This is a complete sentence and an intriguing opener. You could get away with a semi colon, but you MUST stop capitalising every line. It was never a purposeful device and is now quite retro

To the congregation 

You appear the lamb
 comma. "you appear as the lamb"
Laying upon the stone alter
 comma and altar. check your spelling. It is important
A symbol of sacrifice. "stone altar" and "symbol of sacrifice" are predictable...some may say cliche but I say find some better way of saying more with less.


But you are the priest "but" is unneccessary. "but" in spite of what?

With a cold blade

In your hand
 period
"For with this you shall be healed" you say comma after quotes

Why must I repent?

How hath I sinned?
 forget hath. Have. Hath is a ridiculously out of place word useage. It is also technically incorrect . I won't go in to it in this forum

Let the blood drip at your feet
 comma
Remove your robes
 perfect place for a semicolon.
And allow them to see
 "and" is superflous
The heartless reaper 

Underneath period

Hello.
The line by line crit should help you if your attitude is right but you should try out your own crit on other posters to get the rewards...this will also help you to realise the errors of your own posting. It is not clever, stylistic, poetic or new to omit the squiggly marks. Only excellent poetry with well defined and convincing flow permits for the exclusion of punctuation.
Best,
tectak

[Mikeodial]

You wear the greatest of 
Disguises

To the congregation 

You appear the lamb

Laying upon the stone alter

A symbol of sacrifice.


But you are the priest

With a cold blade

In your hand

"For with this you shall be healed" you say

Why must I repent?

How hath I sinned?


Let the blood drip at your feet

Remove your robes

And allow them to see

The heartless reaper 

Underneath

Lots of questioning here. Is the intent to lead the reader to a conclusion or to question themselves?

Seems to oscillate between a personal opinion on the matter and then leaving it open for the reader. Perhaps it might be better served doing one or the other?

Is it the disguise to be exposed or the intent of the priest? Or someone intending to the be priest?