Animal or Vegetable?
#1
final

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
their tightly coiled lime green fists,
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
much like my fellow Hominids,
as our ancient ancestors did;
but I've no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
with red-sable brushes.

Being human, affords us choice
in committing those acts that all
humans do. Some pointing fingers
have murdered as well, albeit
a human fetus or two.

---------------------------------------------------
tectak edit 3

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
tightly coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as our ancient ancestors did,
but I have no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
with red-sable brushes.

Being human, affords us choice
in committing those acts that all
humans do. Some pointing fingers
have murdered as well, albeit
a human fetus or two.

------------------------------------------------
Tectak edit 1

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
their tightly coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I have no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
nor with red-sable brushes.

Being human affords us choice
in committing those actions
that all humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered as well,
albeit a human fetus or two.


--------------------------------------------
original

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
emphatically brandishing
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating ominvores
of domestic fowl
and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I've no gun or zeal to hunt;
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes.

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#2
(12-03-2013, 01:17 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:   OK. Here goes. Forgive my little ending ditty. This is serious.
Now that youve seen it I have deleted it!


Some vegans vomit fiddleheads Good opener and veracious to boot.Have tried. Emetically poetic or vice versa
emphatically brandishing emphasing what, I wonder. Not sure about word choice here. There must be a better descriptor
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
the masticating omnivores
of domesticated fowl
and beast. Clever but over-wordy and of very uncertain meaning. Omnivore covers the range of comestibles and includes vegetables...so carnivores?

I must confess,
I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did. "fellow" and "ancient" are meter-gas...as you are not a cartoon octopus.
I’ve no gun or zeal to hunt; Why is "I have no gun, nor zeal to hunt" better?
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks. ...or perhaps it is not. I just CANNOT get a lock on your meter.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes. I am tempted to say well bully for you. I kind of like the blank certainty of conviction in this stanza but it does sound holier than thou...intentional?

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two. Look, I have some concept of what you are trying to squeeze out of this lemon but I just don't think you make a case without leather. It's the inference in the argument that fails to convince...human bad, animals good as a carrot. This last stanza contains the cynical seed of the commitment tree. I think it stands alone. I would not care if you dropped all the prior posturing.

So chris, I came out of my comfort zone with this one. I don't normally care (enough) to comment on "the message" but this has little else. Last stanza only for me.
Reply
#3
(12-03-2013, 07:27 PM)tectak Wrote:  [quote='ChristopherSea' pid='147641' dateline='1386001044']
Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
emphatically brandishing
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
the masticating omnivores
of domesticated fowl
and beast.

I must confess,
I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I’ve no gun or zeal to hunt;
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes.

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two.

Deleted by tectak as chris has now seen it

Tofu does raise the question: Animal or Vegetable or UFO (unidentifed food object)?
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#4
(12-03-2013, 07:27 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(12-03-2013, 01:17 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:   OK. Here goes. Forgive my little ending ditty. This is serious.
Now that youve seen it I have deleted it!


Some vegans vomit fiddleheads Good opener and veracious to boot.Have tried. Emetically poetic or vice versa
emphatically brandishing emphasing what, I wonder. Not sure about word choice here. There must be a better descriptor
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
the masticating omnivores
of domesticated fowl
and beast. Clever but over-wordy and of very uncertain meaning. Omnivore covers the range of comestibles and includes vegetables...so carnivores?

I must confess,
I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did. "fellow" and "ancient" are meter-gas...as you are not a cartoon octopus.
I’ve no gun or zeal to hunt; Why is "I have no gun, nor zeal to hunt" better?
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks. ...or perhaps it is not. I just CANNOT get a lock on your meter.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes. I am tempted to say well bully for you. I kind of like the blank certainty of conviction in this stanza but it does sound holier than thou...intentional?

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two. Look, I have some concept of what you are trying to squeeze out of this lemon but I just don't think you make a case without leather. It's the inference in the argument that fails to convince...human bad, animals good as a carrot. This last stanza contains the cynical seed of the commitment tree. I think it stands alone. I would not care if you dropped all the prior posturing.

So chris, I came out of my comfort zone with this one. I don't normally care (enough) to comment on "the message" but this has little else. Last stanza only for me.

Thanks anyway for the run through. Some explanation may help you with your queries. Let me preface the piece by stating that this was written in response to a person ‘unfriending’ anyone who eats meat.

When eating becomes politically motivated it reaches an absurdity. The problem with political extremists is their inconsistency and hypocrisy. Some who take up a Vegan life style for political objectives are pro-abortion and just as much killers as those who eat meat. There is no holier than thou attitude on the narrator’s part herein, on the contrary, it is a select group of holier than thou vegans that accuse those who eat meat of being murderers.

In the second stanza, the one that you misinterpreted, the narrator is stating that we are omnivores like the living great apes and we evolved with that mixed diet as our ancestors did. He continues, saying that he does not kill for fun, does not seek every animal product just for the sake of it. In fact, he makes certain humane choices in his life to avoid needless harvest of animals for pleasure. However, they are part of our evolutionary diet!

That stanza sets up the concluding stanza one arguing that no one is holier than the other. We are human; we have freedom of choice. So, there is a lot herein my friend.
Cheers/Chris


(12-04-2013, 06:30 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  
(12-03-2013, 07:27 PM)tectak Wrote:  [quote='ChristopherSea' pid='147641' dateline='1386001044']
OK. Here goes. Forgive my little ending ditty. This is serious.
Now that youve seen it I have deleted it!


Some vegans vomit fiddleheads Good opener and veracious to boot.Have tried. Emetically poetic or vice versa
emphatically brandishing emphasing what, I wonder. Not sure about word choice here. There must be a better descriptor
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
the masticating omnivores
of domesticated fowl
and beast. Clever but over-wordy and of very uncertain meaning. Omnivore covers the range of comestibles and includes vegetables...so carnivores?

I must confess,
I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did. "fellow" and "ancient" are meter-gas...as you are not a cartoon octopus.
I’ve no gun or zeal to hunt; Why is "I have no gun, nor zeal to hunt" better?
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks. ...or perhaps it is not. I just CANNOT get a lock on your meter.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes. I am tempted to say well bully for you. I kind of like the blank certainty of conviction in this stanza but it does sound holier than thou...intentional?

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two. Look, I have some concept of what you are trying to squeeze out of this lemon but I just don't think you make a case without leather. It's the inference in the argument that fails to convince...human bad, animals good as a carrot. This last stanza contains the cynical seed of the commitment tree. I think it stands alone. I would not care if you dropped all the prior posturing.

So chris, I came out of my comfort zone with this one. I don't normally care (enough) to comment on "the message" but this has little else. Last stanza only for me.

Thank you for the run through. Some explanation may help you with your queries. Let me preface the piece by stating that this was written in response to a person ‘unfriending’ anyone who eats meat.

When eating becomes politically motivated it reaches an absurdity. The problem with political extremists is their inconsistency and hypocrisy. Some who take up a Vegan life style for political objectives are pro-abortion and just as much killers as those who eat meat. There is no holier than thou attitude on the narrator’s part herein, on the contrary, it is a select group of holier than thou vegans that accuse those who eat meat of being murderers.

In the second stanza, the one that you misinterpreted, the narrator is stating that we are omnivores like the living great apes and we evolved with that mixed diet as our ancestors did. He continues, saying that he does not kill for fun, does not seek every animal product just for the sake of it. In fact, he makes certain humane choices in his life to avoid needless harvest of animals for pleasure. However, they are part of our evolutionary diet!

That stanza sets up the concluding stanza one arguing that no one is holier than the other. We are human; we have freedom of choice. So, there is a lot herein my friend.

As for your suggestions, I think fanatically would better serve me than emphatically. I originally had carnivores, but more biologically correct is omnivores. Since this is a poem and not Zoology treatis, I could change it back. Yes, 'I have' and 'nor' do sound better. There was an 8-syllable count per line at one point and I can see if it can be restored. An edit shall come soon.

Thanks again, Cheers/Chris
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#5
tectak edit 1 is posted!
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#6
(12-03-2013, 01:17 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  Tectak edit 1

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
their tightly coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I have no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
nor with red-sable brushes.

Being human affords us choice
in committing those actions
that all humans do. Some pointing
fingers have murdered as well,
albeit a human fetus or two.


--------------------------------------------
original

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
emphatically brandishing
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating ominvores
of domestic fowl
and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I've no gun or zeal to hunt;
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes.

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two.
Yes chris. Good work. Still think the last stanza is a pity because it is so much "better" than the restSmile
Best,
tectak
Reply
#7
(12-04-2013, 05:35 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(12-03-2013, 01:17 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  Tectak edit 1

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
their tightly coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I have no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
nor with red-sable brushes.

Being human affords us choice
in committing those actions
that all humans do. Some pointing
fingers have murdered as well,
albeit a human fetus or two.


--------------------------------------------
original

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
emphatically brandishing
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating ominvores
of domestic fowl
and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I've no gun or zeal to hunt;
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes.

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two.
Yes chris. Good work. Still think the last stanza is a pity because it is so much "better" than the restSmile
Best,
tectak

Well, it's good to end strong! However, I feel the opening and intervening stanzas are potent too. Initially, you said the same of the first line. Nonetheless, I am up for suggestions for further editing.
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#8
(12-04-2013, 07:32 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  
(12-04-2013, 05:35 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(12-03-2013, 01:17 AM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  Tectak edit 1

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
fanatically brandishing
their tightly coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating carnivores
of domestic fowl and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I have no gun nor zeal to hunt;
don’t paint still life on butcher blocks.

I render our earth, both flora
and fauna, on cotton rag
paper in watercolor,
not upon calfskin vellum
nor with red-sable brushes.

Being human affords us choice
in committing those actions
that all humans do. Some pointing
fingers have murdered as well,
albeit a human fetus or two.


--------------------------------------------
original

Animal or Vegetable?

Some vegans vomit fiddleheads
emphatically brandishing
their coiled lime fists;
often sparring to uppercut
those masticating ominvores
of domestic fowl
and beast.

I must confess, I do eat meat,
like my fellow Hominids,
as my ancient ancestors did.
I've no gun or zeal to hunt;
I don’t paint still life
on butcher blocks.
I render our earth, both flora and fauna,
on cotton rag in watercolor,
not calfskin vellum
with sable brushes.

Being human
affords us choice
in committing those acts
that humans do.
Some pointing fingers
have murdered still,
albeit a human fetus
or two.
Yes chris. Good work. Still think the last stanza is a pity because it is so much "better" than the restSmile
Best,
tectak

Well, it's good to end strong! However, I feel the opening and intervening stanzas are potent too. Initially, you said the same of the first line. Nonetheless, I am up for suggestions for further editing.

...and I stand by that. The rest of the piece is NOT bad, it's just that the last stanza is so good (though not as good as pre-edit!) "Committing those acts" seems more reader friendly if not just more correct.
Reply
#9
(12-04-2013, 08:12 PM)tectak Wrote:  
(12-04-2013, 07:32 PM)ChristopherSea Wrote:  
(12-04-2013, 05:35 PM)tectak Wrote:  Yes chris. Good work. Still think the last stanza is a pity because it is so much "better" than the restSmile
Best,
tectak

Well, it's good to end strong! However, I feel the opening and intervening stanzas are potent too. Initially, you said the same of the first line. Nonetheless, I am up for suggestions for further editing.

...and I stand by that. The rest of the piece is NOT bad, it's just that the last stanza is so good (though not as good as pre-edit!) "Committing those acts" seems more reader friendly if not just more correct.

That was me evening out the meter, but perhaps I will restore the line. Let me take another look. Thanks much Tom!
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply
#10
Alright Tom, 'actions' back to 'acts' along with several other changes in tectak edit 3!
My new watercolor: 'Nightmare After Christmas'/Chris
Reply




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