Bliss

[lachaser33]

Bliss

When I was young I was happy
To sit down with a book
And be entertained.
I was fine on my own
With my imaginary friends
Not to be bothered by the outside world.

I was simply a blade of grass,
Swaying in the wind
Without purpose or direction,

Content to just exist
And not to dream
Of a better place,
Of a better time,
Of a better me.

[Mungo man]

To me this seems a beautiful and woefully nostalgic flashback to childhood. A brief and beautiful scene; that of adolescence and the crisp fantasy to be found between pages.
perhaps the 'blade of grass' image is a bit overdone and unoriginal, and I'm sure you can either a. Alter it in a way that makes it your own
or b. Express your serene solitary existence in a new manner.


nice job.

[Todd]

For me, this would be improved with less leading of the reader, here are the bones as I see them:

When I was young I was happy
simply a blade of grass,
Swaying in the wind
Without purpose or direction,
Content not to dream

Your title is fine, though you could include something of the cuts in the title: Bliss of the Better Me

Perhaps.

Just thoughts.

Best,

Todd