Two for Alice by ellajam

[milo]

Winter

Your empty house sits,
snuggled in its same footprint,
porches forming wings,
ready to take off across
the lake's icy reflection.

Half glassed for winter,
half screened to catch summer's breeze,
your home sang your soul:
cradled it during your stay,
released it to soar in joy.


Spring

Red geraniums
christen April's first boat ride;
Alice's daughter
wakes her mother's home from sleep,
grandchildren wade the shoreline.

Counting her pennies
to buy what she can't let go,
she clears the hallways,
blueprints drawn for room to grow,
mom's favorites replanted.

Original thread here

[Leanne]

Great choice, milo -- and well deserved, Marcella!

[billy]

yeah, some solid edits. i followed the thread though i didn't give feedback on all the edits. good choice milo

i will reply to a question marcella asked. the tanka 57577 form and would straying from it wreck the/a poem. my answer is; i don't think it would like haiku the syl count is only a guideline.

[ellajam]

yeah, some solid edits. i followed the thread though i didn't give feedback on all the edits. good choice milo

i will reply to a question marcella asked. the tanka 57577 form and would straying from it wreck the/a poem. my answer is; i don't think it would like haiku the syl count is only a guideline.

I'm glad I stuck with it here, I think it provides an underlying skeleton for the poem to rest on that appeals to the reader. It also helped to maintain the original energy of the poem through edits. Yep, that explains it, tanka magic.

I learned so much through this edit; the credit for a satisfying end goes to all of you here who have been so clear and patient with me. Thanks for the generous gifts of your time, expertise and willingness to voice your opinions.

[ChristopherSea]

yeah, some solid edits. i followed the thread though i didn't give feedback on all the edits. good choice milo

i will reply to a question marcella asked. the tanka 57577 form and would straying from it wreck the/a poem. my answer is; i don't think it would like haiku the syl count is only a guideline.

I'm glad I stuck with it here, I think it provides an underlying skeleton for the poem to rest on that appeals to the reader. It also helped to maintain the original energy of the poem through edits. Yep, that explains it, tanka magic.

I learned so much through this edit; the credit for a satisfying end goes to all of you here who have been so clear and patient with me. Thanks for the generous gifts of your time, expertise and willingness to voice your opinions.

It was your insistence on leaving in 'same' that made the poem. Nice!/Chris

[Todd]

I think watching the process this one went through was almost as good as the final result. I love when you can see workshopping help the author get to where they need to go without causing them to sacrifice anything that's important to them. The process doesn't change the sculpture, it just helps remove cloth that's draped over it.

This is a lovely piece. I especially like the first strophe.

Excellent choice!

[milo]

I was originally drawn to the piece by the title. Then I was drawn back by all the interest and activity the poem generated. After that I kept being drawn back to read it over and over and I knew we needed to put this somewhere we could find it to read over and over. I hope to continue enjoying this poem for many years, good job.

[ellajam]

I was originally drawn to the piece by the title. Then I was drawn back by all the interest and activity the poem generated. After that I kept being drawn back to read it over and over and I knew we needed to put this somewhere we could find it to read over and over. I hope to continue enjoying this poem for many years, good job.

Thanks, milo. I should be sick of it by now, but it still makes me cry some days. I'm glad to be a conduit for Alice's fine energy.

[Truerenigma]

Great poem. this line hit me somewhere. i don't know how to explain it. it's such a simple line...

blueprints drawn for room to grow,

..but the effect it has on me is not so simple.

thanks for spotlighting it. I missed the thread.

[ellajam]

Great poem. this line hit me somewhere. i don't know how to explain it. it's such a simple line...

blueprints drawn for room to grow,

..but the effect it has on me is not so simple.

thanks for spotlighting it. I missed the thread.

That line only came to be because the crits here pinpointed the first two lines I tried in that spot as weak. All credit to the Pen.

[Bemh]

I really like this poem, especially the unique formatting and the title. Thanks for the spotlight!