Out of the Hollow

[ChristopherSea]

a Taoism Poem

final version

Out of the Hollow


My vibrant drum
is but a stump
devoid of its cavity.

Your sweet flute
is merely a stick
without a cylindrical bore.

If music can burgeon
out of these hollows
and fill our emptiness,

why should we
have any longings
for things we don't possess?

Let us imbue
the vacuum of desire
with the wealth of music.

Ella/Todd edit 3 Much obliged folks!

--------------------------------------------
a Taoism Poem

Out of the Hollow


My vibrant drum
is but a stump
devoid of its cavity.

Your sweet flute
is merely a stick
without a cylindrical bore.

If music can burgeon
from within these voids
and fill our emptiness,

why should we
have any longings
for things we don't possess?

Let us fill the vacuum of desire
with the wealth of music.

[ellajam]

a Taoism Poem

Out of the Hollow


My vibrant drum
is but a stump
devoid of its cavity.

Your sweet flute
is merely a stick
without a cylindrical bore.

If music can burgeon
from within these voids
and fill our emptiness,

why should we
have any longings
for things we don't possess?

Let us fill the vacuum of desire
with the wealth of music.

Hi, Chris, I really like this. It's possible that if you were interested in paring down to the bone that lines 6-12 could be cut, but I like having it spelled out for me. I think I would enjoy the ending sticking to form, but honestly I enjoyed this so much I'm hesitant to suggest an edit.

Thanks for the lovely read.

Good morning.

[Todd]

It's funny that Ella mentioned cutting. I'd been thinking about that, but wasn't sure where I came down on the issue. Well, if this were mine here's what would remain:

My vibrant drum
is but a stump
devoid of its cavity.

Your sweet flute
is merely a stick
without a cylindrical bore.

why should we
have any longings
for things we don't possess?

~~~
That feels interesting and thought provoking. I would cut the stanza's below:


If music can burgeon
from within these voids
and fill our emptiness,--This feels completely handled by the next question. I also am not a fan of "within these voids". It just feels unnecessary.

Let us fill the vacuum of desire
with the wealth of music.--vacuum of desire and wealth of music feel a bit too constructed, and draw me away from what you've already accomplished with the question.

Just some thoughts

[ChristopherSea]

It's funny that Ella mentioned cutting. I'd been thinking about that, but wasn't sure where I came down on the issue. Well, if this were mine here's what would remain:

My vibrant drum
is but a stump
devoid of its cavity.

Your sweet flute
is merely a stick
without a cylindrical bore.

why should we
have any longings
for things we don't possess?

~~~
That feels interesting and thought provoking. I would cut the stanza's below:


If music can burgeon
from within these voids
and fill our emptiness,--This feels completely handled by the next question. I also am not a fan of "within these voids". It just feels unnecessary.

Let us fill the vacuum of desire
with the wealth of music.--vacuum of desire and wealth of music feel a bit too constructed, and draw me away from what you've already accomplished with the question.

Just some thoughts

Hi Todd, as I mention to Ella, I had versions with more brevity, but a previous Tao poem posted on site failed to educate the reader on basic principles. Perhaps I tried to do so more than what was needed, thereby over compensating. I shall consider that upon editing. However, I feel that you have deleted the wrong stanza. There's no tie in to having fulfillment coming from nothingness verses material want or wealth with that particular edit. Nonetheless, I shall take enother look. Thanks!/Chris

---

[b]Ella/Todd edit 1 posted. No line cutting yet, but I took into consideration some wording and structure comments. Much obliged folks!

[bena]

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. Nothing more to add to the really good help you've received so far, just wanted to let you know I'd read it, and appreciated it.

mel.

[ChristopherSea]

I enjoyed this one quite a bit. Nothing more to add to the really good help you've received so far, just wanted to let you know I'd read it, and appreciated it.

mel.

Thanks Melanie! I strove for brevity in my earlier versions, but the Tao lessons became too obscure and less enlightening.

Nice to see you around.