Tonight his lover is sick of him

[emerald13]

Tonight his lover is sick of him
so he spends
the night with HER

She has learned her shape
setting out his dinner and a beer
He sprawls in homely layers
talking with his mouth full

there is no pretense
no interest in her day

..... so relaxing
to be loved by a wife.

©Gina

[ellajam]

Hi, Gina, welcome.

Well this poem leaves a bad taste in my mouth every time, so if that was your goal, success. No one gets any respect here.

While punctuation is not my forte, you've gone half way here and I think it would enhance the poem if you add the rest.

Here are a few notes.

Tonight his lover is sick of him
so he spends
the night with HER I might go instead with her or Her

She has learned her shape
setting out his dinner and a beer
He sprawls in homely layers
talking with his mouth full

there is no pretense
no interest in her day possibly "of" instead of "no"

..... so relaxing
to be loved by a wife.

©Gina

[killthepoet]

The only thing I find a bit confusing is what person the poem is coming from. Is it the man? If so I would get a sort of bad tasting feel of a misogynistic man writing it with no regret just complacency. If it is the wife, it seems very sad, neglected, bitter.
Any insight?

[bena]

I think the first HER should instead be "his wife" ----otherwise the following shes are very confusing, almost leading back to the lover, which makes it read differently. you have good comments from ella...trust me, take her advice.

mel/bena