False Prophet

[drithebee]

Stayed by your side in spite of the pain,
Stayed by your side in the sun and the rain.
Stood up for you when I knew you were wrong.
Loved all of you, even wrote you a song.
Cried tears for you that submerged my heart,
With never the notion we'd so easily part.
Year after year I cherished you so,
Though you offered no hand-hold I wouldn't let go.
No substance or promise was lent to my aid.
The hope in my dreams is how I remained.
Together we toiled and by day we grew,
But with each passing year I felt farther from you.
The illusion of love dissolved with all hope
Of any salvation; I cut this last rope.
Put all my faith in a false prophet's lies,
And let my eyes cloud when dropped from the skies.

[ThePinsir]

I liked the "false prophet" comparison. I think you can REALLY develop that image into something awesome. Besides that...meh. A break-up poem that's been written 10,000 times.

I also think you'll find that the people on this website frown upon capitalizing the first letter of each line. Only capitalize if it starts another sentence.

[drithebee]

I liked the "false prophet" comparison. I think you can REALLY develop that image into something awesome. Besides that...meh. A break-up poem that's been written 10,000 times.

I also think you'll find that the people on this website frown upon capitalizing the first letter of each line. Only capitalize if it starts another sentence.

I do agree there is development to be made, especially since this poem is discussing a kinsmen's betrayal, not a lover's loss. I want to improve so that the true meaning is conveyed to the audience.

[ThePinsir]

^ woops

so it's not as cliché as I thought. I see it now with another read.