Untiltled ... mild critique

[kath3]

Gone is childlike innosence
with fading accountability.
Endlessly wanting,
endlessly searching,
endlessly gathering,
the spoils of desire
only to stuff ourselves empty

[billy]

Gone is childlike innosence
with fading accountability.
Endlessly wanting,
endlessly searching,
endlessly gathering,
the spoils of desire
only to stuff ourselves empty

innocence on the first line.

funny but i get a sense of going from one childhood to another kath
i love the irony and the futility of the last line. and our ability to do it.
period o the last line btw.
the more i read it the more i see in it, it has a certain depth to it
thanks for the read, great to see you doing a poem


would the work instead of is on the first line?

[kath3]

Gone is childlike innosence
with fading accountability.
Endlessly wanting,
endlessly searching,
endlessly gathering,
the spoils of desire
only to stuff ourselves empty

innocence on the first line.

funny but i get a sense of going from one childhood to another kath
i love the irony and the futility of the last line. and our ability to do it.
period o the last line btw.
the more i read it the more i see in it, it has a certain depth to it
thanks for the read, great to see you doing a poem


would the work instead of is on the first line?

Ya I like it ... Gone the childlike innocence
not sure what you mean about getting a sense of going from one childhood to another?
Thanks for the spell-check and grammer check ... never was good at either one.
if there's anything else to add please do ... I can handle it and appreciate the help.

[billy]

Gone is childlike innosence
with fading accountability.
Endlessly wanting,
endlessly searching,
endlessly gathering,
the spoils of desire
only to stuff ourselves empty

innocence on the first line.

funny but i get a sense of going from one childhood to another kath
i love the irony and the futility of the last line. and our ability to do it.
period o the last line btw.
the more i read it the more i see in it, it has a certain depth to it
thanks for the read, great to see you doing a poem


would the work instead of is on the first line?

Ya I like it ... Gone the childlike innocence
not sure what you mean about getting a sense of going from one childhood to another?
Thanks for the spell-check and grammer check ... never was good at either one.
if there's anything else to add please do ... I can handle it and appreciate the help.

if you have adult kids, you should remember telling them to grow up, that they're acting like children.

a child can get contentment from the wanting searching and getting

all too often adults only think they want something much more so than real kids sometimes. when in fact it's just a trophy they're after. jmo

[addy]

I like your last line in this.

I'd like to know more of what you meant with the second line, "with fading accountability". Who, or what, were you referring to? I don't think the ones who lost their innocence are the ones who lost their accountability, so I'd really like to have a better sense of your context

Thanks for the read

[kath3]

I like your last line in this.

I'd like to know more of what you meant with the second line, "with fading accountability". Who, or what, were you referring to? I don't think the ones who lost their innocence are the ones who lost their accountability, so I'd really like to have a better sense of your context

Thanks for the read

Thanks addy,
I see why I'm being misunderstood. This is probably how I should have wrote it ...

Gone is childlike innosence.
With fading accountability,
endlessly wanting,
endlessly searching,
endlessly gathering,
the spoils of desire
only to stuff ourselves empty

It's about starting life off with/in innocence, becoming accountable adults but getting lost along the way by getting caught up in consumerism. Ending up with a house full of stuff and lacking love, charity, the things that really matter.

Your comments are truely appreciated.

[srijantje]

i like,to stuff ourselves empty,great line